


An Angel in our Darkest Times

by KokoKistune



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Bottom Castiel, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Human Castiel, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Top Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-01 14:19:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4023049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KokoKistune/pseuds/KokoKistune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is the head of one of the many safe camps throughout Kansas, he is weapon trained and he's a good leader. Castiel is a new addition to the camp. He is weak and fragile. The only thing going for him right now is his pretty eyes. He's scruffy and small. I mean he's tall compared to the others but he's malnourished and underfed. He came from one of the camps in the capital. They questioned how he made it without being infected, he was kept in the safe box for 36 hours, longer than most, but didn't change. He doesn't speak, only when directly asked or it is required of him to speak. Though when he DOES speak it's short and to the point. Though Castiel is trained with weapons, he specializes in medicine even though its mostly a womans job. He teaches them new techniques and all sorts of new things you can do with the herbs and supplies they have. He teaches the women to better care for others and themselves. Even though people are suspicious and don't quite trust him, he seems to be the angel this camp truly needed. The angel Dean needed.</p><p>Inspired by 'deancastrash' and their story Croatville!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Angel Arrives

**Author's Note:**

> This entire story is un-beta'd!

What a day. Dean leaned back in his chair, a sigh escaping his lips as he closed his eyes. The Croatoan virus was slowly spreading across the world now. It had already hit all of Kansas, though the heart of the destruction was the Capital.

Living in Lawrence wasn’t so bad since Dean grew up trained for this sort of thing. His father went nuts after his mother died. It wasn’t a shock that he died of liver failure, he was a drunk. The only memories he had of his father were bitter. 

But he was glad that his brother Sam and had made it back to him after the virus spread. He had gone off to Stanford University years before the virus hit, and he couldn’t help but worry about his baby brother and his girlfriend Jessica.

Sadly, Sam came back alone and Dean never questioned or asked about it, which was a good thing since he didn’t want to pry or bring up bad memories in this already shitty life they lead.

Once Dean heard that there was an outbreak of Croatoan, he immediately called Bobby to make sure him, Ellen, and Jo were alright. To his dismay, the virus had hit South Dakota, and those things got Ellen and Jo while Bobby was out. 

Assuring Bobby that they were okay, he asked if he could make it to Kansas and to his surprise, Bobby made it there with all of his books and everything plus another person. Sheriff Jody Mills was riding shotgun, with a shotgun. 

Bobby explained everything to the boys and he didn’t want to bring up Ellen and Jo ever again, which the boys agreed on. The four of them went through and swept Lawrence, grabbing whoever would trust them and started a safe camp. 

They had a total of maybe 50 people, out of the 90,000 that lived there.

Not long after they started up a camp, the outbreak officially hit Lawrence. Pitting so many people against each other. Dean watched as his old acquaintances murdered each other. He saw the pure rage in their eyes from this blasted virus.

Almost a year after the outbreak in Lawrence, Dean finally had a good camp set up. They had to flee the city with about 40 people and took refuge in a forest. Luckily for them, they found an old children’s camp that had long since been abandoned.

They searched every nook and cranny of the camp, just in case there was anybody affected by the virus, or turned already. The layout of the camp was nice and easy, the only thing they had to worry about was building fences that fended others off.

There were already six buildings in the camp, one for the cafeteria, one for the main hall (where meetings and such were held), then they had four big cabins, which they split up evenly between the men and women. 

There were about 12 bunk beds in each, so each cabin could house 24 people. They had 17 women and 23, including the brothers, Bobby, and Jody. They put all of the women in one cabin, hoping they’d be more comfortable together, then they put all the men in the next cabin. 

There were still two cabins open that could house lots of people, and Dean hoped that one day they’d actually be able to use them. But for now, he decided that Sam and him would take one cabin over and let Bobby and Jody take the other cabin over.

Even though they had lots of buildings, they still needed to build a safe box, for new people coming into camp. They knew the signs and if they made it through 24 hours in the safe box they’d be okay. Then they needed to build a first aid area. 

It took months to build what they needed, but 2 years after the outbreak, they were settled in nicely. They had a few additions to the camp, but also losses through the years. Despite that, they were well off compared to others.

Dean constantly led recon missions to Lawrence and other surrounding cities, to scout for Croat’s and to get more supplies. Of course there were other camps that seemed to compete now. So not only were they weary of Croat’s they had to watch their backs for enemy camps.

It was all silly, Dean wouldn’t mind working together with others to maybe raid the nearest Walmart or something, but of course things never worked like that. People wanted to raid Walmart, but not share, they needed it for their camp, which Dean understood completely.

Luckily for them, they usually never ran into other camps hunting because they would make sure to scout the town first. They’d split on the outskirts in trios and watch for Croat’s or other camps. They never really had a problem with other camps, but he’d heard horror stories of travelers.

Apparently in the capital they had it really bad. Which brings us back to the current problem. Dean was relaxing in his quarters when he heard frantic yelling from outside. There was no gunshots but he ran out, armed and ready to kill.

Making eye contact with Sam, he gave a questioning gaze and was given no answer. “Hey what’s the ruckus?” Dean yelled, asking around. Everyone seemed frightened but no one was hurt and he heard no rabid snarling of a Croat. 

Soon all questions were answered as he saw two of his people roughly dragging a man in. He instantly got a queasy feeling in his gut. “Take him to the safe box!” Dean shouted as they were incredibly rough with the man. It didn’t even look like he was fighting back.

Before he left, he connected eyes with Sam again. “I’m going to call a meeting in like an hour okay? Let people know.” After getting an acknowledgment from Sam, Dean headed off to the safe box. He couldn’t get this feeling out of his gut, and it wasn’t even because of this man they brought in. He couldn’t place what was exactly wrong.

Why were the guards being so rough with a complacent man? Panic settled in his stomach as he began to walk faster towards the safe box. He didn’t want to worry anyone but he needed to make sure people were safe.

Making it to the safe box, he saw the guards standing outside the safe box, with wild grins on their faces. Cursing to himself he pulled his knife out, making their death quick and as painless as he could make it. How the hell did they get infected? There were no Croat sightings…

Biting his lip, he threw the door open, finding the fragile man on the ground. He almost recoiled at the sight. He was pale, so pale it was unhealthy, his body was so small, despite being only a little shorter than himself.

Dean almost felt sorry for the man, of course, if he even is a man. Circling the body, the crouched down and nudged his shoulder, getting a rouse from him. The man instantly went into a coughing fit as he tried to sit up.

Instantly, Dean recoiled and pulled his gun out, pointing it at his head, but not pulling the trigger. The coughing fit came to an end as he was soon saying something. “…W-W…ater…” His deep, gravelly voice shocked him a little.

He wasn’t expecting such a small, weak looking man to sound so… sexy? No, no it was just a little shocking. Dean opened a door to the side, revealing a hidden kitchen. He quickly grabbed a glass and filled it with water.

Walking back out to the room, the man was sitting on his knees as his head was slumped over. Was he turning? “…Hey, you alive in there?” Quickly, the man’s head shot up and they made eye contact. An ocean blue meeting with a dazzling green. 

They sat there for a few moments, before the man weakly reached out for the water. Hesitantly, Dean handed it to him, he quickly downed it, asking for more. Nodding his head, Dean left to get another glass. 

Three glasses of water later, the man seemed satisfied. Dean crossed his arms and gave the man a questioning gaze. “Okay who are you and why the hell are you here?” His voice was stern and would’ve made anyone flinch, but this guy just sat there. Those blue orbs staring right into him…

He was brought back to reality as the man spoke, slightly tilting his head and crinkling his eyes. 

“Castiel Novak. I came from Topeka.”


	2. Castiel Novak

“Castiel Novak. I came from Topeka.”

So his name was Castiel. Those big blue eyes seemed to pierce through Dean, even though he was obviously weak. How can his eyes be so strong willed in these times of darkness?

Letting out a sigh, Dean wiped the lower half of his face and pursed his lips. Wait. Did he say Topeka? The capital?

“Wait. So, you came from the Capital? How in the hell did you make it from there?” His green eyes searched the sea of blue in front of him. But he found nothing. Those eyes were devoid of emotion, it almost pained Dean to see such beautiful eyes empty. 

They had no life, no spark left in them and to Dean, that was the worst. He hated seeing people turn into this. Only those who had hit rock bottom, who had seen the worst of humanity, even in times like these, could look like that.

The man in question flickered his gaze to the ground, then meeting Dean’s eyes again. “It’s bad. I got lucky to make it here.” Dean bit his lip, it wasn’t going to be easy to get anything out of him. Well, he’s not infected so that’s a plus.

Reaching his hand out, confusion flickered across Castiel’s face before soon being wiped off. As soon as he grabbed onto Dean’s hand, he helped him up.

“Well, I’m Dean. Dean Winchester, and this is my camp. We have, uh, roughly 40 people. It’s hard to keep track anymore. You’re welcome to stay here, but once you get your strength back, I’ll have to put you to work, but we can talk about that later, kay?”

Once again meeting those brilliant blue eyes, he acquired a nod from the smaller man. He was so small, though he was only a few inches shorter than Dean himself. The man was weak on his feet, very clumsy, which worried Dean.

When was the last time this man actually had a real meal? He was so skinny, it wasn’t odd to be skinny in these times, but this guy had nothing on his bones. Dean made sure his people were well fed, not to the point of too much, but he made sure they all had their strength. He needed strong people.

Chewing the inside of his lip, he wrapped his arm around Castiel’s shoulders, trying to help him. Feeling the man freeze under his touch he gently rubbed his shoulder. 

“Hey man don’t worry. I won’t hurt you, but it worries me, seeing you this weak and fragile, so let’s grab you some grub, eh?” Feeling him relax a little under his touch, Dean helped him out of the safe box.

Heading towards the mess hall, Dean had called for Sam to clean up the bodies. Neither said anything about the unknown man he was helping, Dean figured Sam of all people would understand, they’d get their introductions when the time came.

That’s what Dean loved about his camp, his people. They all had an unspoken promise never to delve too deep. To always be considerate of each other, because obviously there were things people wouldn’t talk about.

They knew Dean would introduce the new guy when the time was right. He could feel Castiel shaking underneath his arm as they walked through, getting stares. He knew many people were weary of him, and they had every right to be.

Even Dean wasn’t sure about him, but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to throw him out. It would be the same as murdering him with his own hands. If he posed a threat or caused problems, Dean wouldn’t hesitate to kick him out, but right now, all Dean wanted was for this man to eat a meal.

Reaching the mess hall, he was glad there weren’t many people occupying the space. He felt Castiel would be more comfortable if there were less people. Quickly finding a table, he helped Castiel sit down. He was really weak, it made Dean feel guilty for keeping him in the safe box for so long.

“Hey I’ll get you some food, we don’t have much choices, but I’ll get you a nice juicy burger and some pie, my favorite.” Seeing a quick nod from the man, Dean headed towards the kitchen. He knew that burgers and pie were very scarce right now, but for God’s sake, this man deserved a good meal. 

He got himself a salad and brought the burger and pie with him. Setting the delicious plate in front of Castiel, he headed off to get them both drinks. Coming back with a beer and some water, he gave the water to Castiel.

“Alright lets chow. Then I’ll take you back to my quarters and let you get some real rest, in a warm bed. How’s that sound?” 

...

After a couple minutes of silence, Dean just started eating his salad. This guy really didn’t talk much, he hoped he would warm up after a while. Once Dean began to eat, he was glad that Castiel began to eat as well. He didn’t know what he’d do if he rejected the food.

Castiel was a weird guy, but he strangely trusted him. Of all the things, he felt a connection with Castiel. His green eyes examined his face as he ate the burger. He was so delicate. How could he make it out there?

Dean tore his gaze away from the man before him as he heard the mess hall doors open. Great, it’s dinner time. Dean made eye contact with people coming in, warning them not to disturb the two unless it was an emergency. He didn’t want to scare Castiel off or overwhelm him.

As Sam walked in, he waved him over. He couldn’t keep things from his brother, and he’d demand to know what was going on anyway. He watched as Sam’s eyes immediately went to Castiel, confusion flickering through his hazel eyes.

“Hey Dean, I took care of your, uh, mess.” Sam nodded at him as his eyes still lay on Castiel. Dean gave him a small smile. 

“Yeah well, they were acting weird and showing symptoms. I couldn’t let them go.” Dean shrugged as his gaze lay back upon Castiel, who was now poking at his pie, unsure of what was going on. He seemed uncomfortable under the gazes of both Winchesters.

“Well, this is Castiel Novak. Cas this is my brother Sammy.” He noticed Castiel freeze up a little at the use of his new nickname. If he didn’t like it, he just had to speak up. Sam turned and gave a friendly smile to Castiel.

“Hi Castiel, it’s nice to meet you. Where you from?” He kept his gaze on Castiel, who wasn’t returning the friendly smile or even looking at him. It didn’t even seem like he was paying attention, it was a little shocking when he actually replied.

“Topeka.” That was it. Castiel Novak really was a man of little word.

Dean had to hold himself back from laughing at the sheer disbelief on Sam’s face. Quickly patting Sam on the back he nodded at him to leave, get food before they close up for the night. He could feel the entire room glancing at them though. 

The little gossip they needed to stay sane sometimes. No doubt, Castiel would be the talk of the camp for a few weeks.

\---

Once Castiel finished eating, he stacked his plates on top of each other, soon finishing his water as well, he finally met Dean’s gaze. His blue eyes flickered a few unreadable emotions around. But now his body language showed that he was nervous.

“I’m done eating.” Giving a small smile, Dean stood up, having finished his food long ago. He motioned for the man to follow him, he was soon standing and holding his plates.  
“As you’ve tasted, our food is luckily tasty. Our main cook is Jody Mill, she’s a wonderful person and I’ll introduce you to her when we drop our dishes off. Usually you get your own choice of food, but you looked like you needed a nice fatty meal. Don’t get used to that though, provisions change and sometimes you might need to go a day without food, or little food. Our scouting missions are generally good, but sometimes we just run out of luck. Anyway, when we finish our food, we bring all our dishes back here.” 

Dean motioned to set his plates down along with their drinks, though Dean threw his bottle away. He showed Castiel where to put the dirty silverware and once they had gone through the little things, he motioned for him to follow into the back.

He was glad to see that Castiel had a little more energy, though he was still quiet, he seemed to have more life to him. Dean really wanted to bring back the real Castiel. He wanted to meet him, not this empty shell of a man.

It was his goal to bring out the man hiding inside.

“Hey Jody?” Dean called out to the back room, though keeping an eye on Castiel, making sure he was following and not running away from him. Hearing nothing, he raised an eyebrow, walking the perimeter of the room, only to be startled when a dark haired woman jumped out of the closet at him.

“Jesus!” Dean gasped as he jumped slightly. He could almost see a faint smile playing on Castiel’s lips. The woman in question slapped her hand on Dean’s back, letting out a hearty laugh. The woman had a small build, but you could tell she’d had police experience before.

“Jody, you’re such a bitch. I’m gonna get you back, I swear it.” The woman, Jody, gave him a small smile as her eyes landed on Castiel, who immediately tensed up.

“Oh? Who’s this little angel?” She walked towards him and gently raised her hand to ruffle his hair, but stopped when he flinched at her movement. Dean walked back towards Castiel and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“This is Castiel, we found him today and I just fed him his first meal here. This is Jody Mills, she was previously a sheriff out in South Dakota, I’m glad to have her with us. If you ever need anything, she can help you if I’m not around.”

Castiel gave a small head bow as he greeted her. “Nice to meet you.” Every time he spoke, it was quiet but it was loud enough to understand and hear. His voice was so nice, deep and gravelly. 

Jody gave him a heartwarming smile and gently placed her hand on his shoulder, biting her lip when he flinched again. “I’m always here if you need me! Now if you excuse me, I have lots of dishes to do, and I gotta get food out to Bobby.” 

Dean smiled and gave her a little wave as he walked out of the building with Castiel. He seemed more relaxed with Dean than he did with others, which secretly, made Dean feel good about himself. There was just something about Castiel that was different, made him more interested in him.

“Alright, so I’ll walk you through camp tomorrow, but I’m sure you’re beat. You can room in my quarters, which I share with Sammy, but there are plenty of beds so you don’t have to worry!” Castiel gave him another nod.

Dean felt proud, but realized that Castiel had barely acknowledged him all day, and it gave him a sour feeling in his stomach. 

Soon reaching his cabin, he held the door open for the man. He walked over to a bed a few paces away from his own and patted it. “This’ll be your bed for now, is this okay?” Acquiring another nod from him, he walked over to his bed and plopped down comfortably. Thank God these beds were actually comfortable.

Hearing shuffling, his gaze fell upon the man taking his layers off. Quickly averting his gaze, he felt embarrassed. Why the hell was he embarrassed? He’d seen other men change a thousand times. Feeling his cheeks heat up he glanced quickly over at Castiel, whose gaze was now fixed on Dean himself.

“…Thank you, Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I checked my story and almost having 10 kudos makes me feel really good about myself! Thanks for reading guys! I’m so glad you guys seem to be liking it! I’m not one for writing multi-chapter stories, so I hope this one turns out well! I’m just really bad at naming chapter’s ahahaha… I hope you stick around for this adventure of mine!
> 
> None of this is beta'd btw


	3. Around the Camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean takes Castiel around the camp!

“…Thank you, Dean.”

Dean was a little startled when he heard that gravelly voice finally speak his name, an acknowledge him. He felt his chest warm up, a smile playing on his usually tense face. “Hey it’s no problem man. Do you have anything to change into?”

Just now he was actually looking at Castiel’s exterior. He wore dress pants, a dress shirt with a suit top, plus an unruly blue tie. Then to top it off he wore a long brown trench coat on the outside. It would be uncomfortable to sleep in.

He watched Castiel’s eyes flicker to the ground, then back to Dean. “…I didn’t bring any clothes… I’m sorry…” Now fidgeting his hands, Castiel seemed weirdly nervous.   
Dean stood up quickly, putting his hands up. “Hey hey, don’t worry about it Cas. I got you covered. It might be a bit big, since you’re smaller than me.” He didn’t want Castiel to be afraid of him. 

Turning around, he walked over and shuffled through some bags. He pulled out some sweatpants along with one of his tank tops. This should be nice to sleep in, and it’s the middle of summer so it shouldn’t be uncomfortably hot.

“Here, you can have these, I grew out of them. Use these as your pajamas. We can wash your clothes if you want, and we also have showers.” He motioned to the other side of the room, they had about 3 showers in each of the cabins.

Castiel nodded his head slightly as he took the clothes from Dean, their hands brushing together lightly. Dean gave him a small smile as walked him to the bathroom. There was a big mirror spread across the wall, three sinks spread out across the wall. Then there were 3 bathroom stalls with showers right across from them.

“This shower hasn’t been used yet, so you can take it over if you want. We can try to get you shower supplies on our next Walmart raid if you like, but you can use mine for now.” Castiel gave a quick nod as he began to shed his clothes right in front of Dean.

Subconsciously licking his lips, Dean’s eyes were glued to Castiel as he shed his clothing. “…Dean? Is something wrong?” He snapped his gaze back to those piercing blue as he felt the heat rising in his cheeks. Turning away quickly he gave a slight wave of the hand, he didn’t trust his voice.

As he walked out of the bathroom, he felt those eyes follow him, which just made him want to run away. Letting a sigh escape the moment he left the bathroom, he once again felt eyes on him, but this time it wasn’t Castiel.

“What do you want?” He questioned the tall figure staring at him. He must’ve looked exhausted, this guy took more energy that he expected. The tall figure cracked a smile and gave Dean a rough pat on the back.

“What a day, eh?” His brother, Sam spoke to him. Hearing the shower run, he raised a quizzical eyebrow to Dean, and was answered with a nod. Dean got up and shed his own clothing, changing into something more comfortable, but easy to maneuver in case of trouble.

Plopping backwards on his bed, he watched Sam as he eyed the bathroom, he seemed to contemplate going in. Why not? They all share the bathroom, but now Dean was worried he might startle the poor man.

“Hey Sammy, announce that you are entering, I don’t want you scaring the poor man. He might think you’re a wild moose.” He let out a chuckle at the glare he earned and watched him saunter off to the bathroom, letting Castiel know he was there.

Closing his eyes, he drifted his thoughts to the events of the day. Not much actually happened, but he reminded himself that on their outing in the next few days he needed to pick up some more showering stuff if he could find some.

Hearing the water shut off, Dean’s eyes snapped open, turning his head towards the bathroom entrance, wondering who was going to come out. Not long after that he heard water turn on, so he assumed Sam was taking a shower now. 

Listening to the shuffling of feet, he watched as Castiel exited the bathroom. Wow. Water dripped down his hair, running down his muscled but thin arm, and it would be stopped by the tank top that actually fit the man nicely.

The pants were a little big as they loosely hung at his hips, showing off his hip bones, making Dean lick his lips again. He could feel his heart rate pick up just slightly as he ignored the feeling in his stomach. He wasn’t attracted to Castiel.

Giving him a small smile as they made eye contact once again, he sat up, watching the man closely. “Alright, so you can just relax if you want, I’m gonna go shower now, there’s some books on the desk if you like that stuff.”

Dean shrugged as he walked off to the bathroom, running into Sam on his way out. Weird. He had his eyes fixated on Castiel again. Maybe he was excited to make another friend, but it was freaking Dean out. 

Placing a hand on his brother’s chest, he made eye contact with him, trying to figure him out. “Hey, leave Cas alone for now, kay? I want him to be comfortable and he doesn’t seem to like talking much. So just let him relax.”   
Seeing the rebellion in his brother’s eye he sighed, “I mean it Sam.” After acquiring a nod from his brother, he stripped down. He really wanted to make sure Castiel was comfortable here. Tomorrow would probably be the most uncomfortable for him, since he was going to have to socialize with him.

After his shower, Dean felt refreshed. He was always able to think clearly under the running water. He didn’t really like how his thoughts kept drifting back to the mysterious stranger only a few feet from him.

Sighing, he dried himself off and walked back out, only to find Castiel fast asleep in his bed. He saw Sam watching Castiel closely. He really didn’t like that, but he had no right to call him out for it, since he’d been ogling over him all day.

Giving up, he placed a glass of water on Castiel’s nightstand, before giving in to the sleep that threatened to take over.

\---

The next morning he woke up to find Castiel not in his bed. A moment of panic settled until he heard running water in the bathroom. Looking over he saw Sam fast asleep still, it was 6 a.m., and no one was required to get up till 9 a.m. when breakfast was served.

A smile plastered itself on his face as he walked in, to see Castiel washing his face. Silently doing the same, Dean splashed water on his face, feeling the stubble growing in. He needed to shave soon.

“…Good morning Dean.” Looking over to Castiel, he felt his heart skip a beat as he was given a shy smile, those blue eyes inspecting the floor, with him fidgeting his hands.   
“Ah, mornin’ Cas. How’d ya sleep?” He was content when he achieved a nod from the fragile man.

“It was good.” Wow. Castiel had been talking to him more than before, it was a weird feeling of satisfaction. A smile played on Dean’s face as he found himself enjoying even these short conversations. 

“Why’re you up so early anyway?” Dean questioned, because he always had work to start early in the morning. He shivered slightly as he felt Castiel’s eyes on his, he noticed his shakiness as well.

“I-I… I had a nightmare.” He admitted, looking at the ground nervously. Dean felt his heart ache a moment as he watched the man fidget. Clapping his hand on his back, Dean gave him a bright smile.

“Hey don’t worry about it. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here! Anyway, wanna grab some grub with me? They don’t open till later, but I can make you something?” Another shy smile played on Castiel’s face as he nodded slightly.

Putting on real clothes, he lent Castiel some old ones as well. The dark clothes really brought out his eyes. Dean took a moment to admire this creation of God. Shaking his thoughts, he held the door open for the man, greeted by the crisp cool air of the morning. 

One reason he loved being in a forest was that it was always nice and cool in the morning. It’s like a really long camping trip with a sick twist. Closing his eyes for a moment, he took in the clean smell of the forest.

Despite being in the middle of an apocalypse, Dean tried to keep his camp as clean as he could, and compared to other camps it was. He wished he could keep it cleaner, but there were other priorities. Licking his lips, he gave a small smile to Castiel, leading him towards the mess hall again.

Following closely behind, Castiel stayed quiet, which Dean was slowly getting used to.

A few minutes later, Dean unlocked the doors and was greeted by a pleasant smell of waffles. Who was up this early? Hearing hums coming from the kitchen, he figured it was Jody, but to his surprise it was Lisa. Lisa Braedon. 

Of course he had to run into her.

Reaching the kitchen, he knocked on the wall, peeking his head in with a forced smile. Startled, she looked up, obviously not expecting anyone to pop in at this time. The serene atmosphere vanished almost instantly and turned into tension. Her eyes searched Dean for some unknown answer, and then he eyes lingered on the figure behind him.

“Dean.” She gave a nod and went back to her cooking, obviously more strained now. Feeling his eyes on the back of his head, Dean bit his lip. 

“Lisa.” He nodded to her and was about to pass her when realization hit. 

“Wait. How the hell did you get in here? Only I have the keys, and Bobby has the spare.” His eyes searched her now. She seemed a bit nervous, now that two pairs of eyes lingered on her. He was kinda glad Castiel didn’t say anything.

Shrugging her shoulders, she sighed. “Don’t worry. I asked Bobby to let me borrow the keys. Ben’s been hungry lately and I was worried.” He could see the worry flash through her eyes as Dean narrowed his. 

“Wait what? What’s wrong with Ben?” Lisa avoided eye contact and finished up cooking.

“Don’t worry Dean. He’s not showing symptoms. He just hasn’t been getting enough food. Anyway, who is the new guy?” She added, quickly changing the subject. Dean turned slightly towards Castiel, seeing him tense up as the focus was now on him.

“This is Castiel. He just appeared out of nowhere, and before you say anything, he was in the safe box for well over 36 hours.” Lisa opened her mouth only to close it again before giving them a curt nod.

“Castiel. I’m Lisa, I’ll introduce you to my son Ben later.” Her introduction was short and simple, maybe a bit malicious, but Castiel didn’t seem to mind as he nodded his head towards her as well, obviously glad the conversation was over quickly.

Licking his lips, Dean let out an audible sigh as he heard the doors slam behind them. “Well, I said I’d make you food, so let’s do this.” He cracked his knuckles like he was about to fight, causing Castiel to tilt his head slightly, but not saying anything.

\---

Not much later, the two had finished eating. Castiel stayed quiet throughout as Dean talked about the camp, and how Castiel was going to enjoy it here. The blue eyed man didn’t know what to say. Dean trusted him so much, and they’d barely met.

Castiel couldn’t deny that when his eyes met with those fanfiction green, it sent a shock of electricity through him. He definitely wouldn’t deny that he often found himself examining every bit of the man named Dean.

The splash of freckles on his face, the way he tenses up when he feels uncomfortable, the way his face would light up when Castiel would actually reply to his ranting. He felt himself wanting to respond to this man. This beautiful man.

It intrigued Castiel, how could one man be so beautiful? His features so delicate for such a weathered man. He was very similar to his brother, Sam. But there was something different. Dean was more… experienced? He had obviously seen much more of the world’s cruelty than Sam. But he couldn’t say, because he’s also seen so much that would ruin a person forever.  
\---  
Once the two finished eating, Dean cleaned up for the two of them. They hadn’t realized how much time they actually spent talking. They could hear the morning birds singing and could hear distant chattering, as people were rising.

Dean was going to introduce everybody to Castiel today. “Hey, let’s get you a tour of the camp, you gotta meet everyone to be considered part of my posse.” When he spoke the last word, he winked and made a clicking sound with his tongue, which seemed to confuse Castiel, but he didn’t speak up.

Leaving the mess hall, the two ran into Jody, heading in to start on the breakfast for everyone. She didn’t say a word but narrowed her eyes and silently scolded them. Dean knew she wasn’t really mad, she just doesn’t want to run out of portions early. 

“First we go to Bobby’s, then we can stop by the first aid center, then we can make a stop at each other cabins. Sound good?” Dean took a sharp turn, confusing Castiel a little, but then they reached the biggest building in the camp. 

Knocking, they heard grumbling come from inside, then the slow unlocking of the doors, revealing a man who looked older than he probably was. He looked very tired and worn, it actually concerned Castiel. He had a mustache and a short beard, it was well kept considering the circumstances.

“Whaddya want?” He glared to Dean, but soon his eyes fell on Castiel, once again tense and standing straight. Dean just gave him a sarcastic smile and motioned with his hands.  
“This, my dear Bobby, is Castiel. He’s the one who just showed up out of nowhere, but he’s clean.” His eyes met with the man named Bobby, and they seemed close enough to converse through their eyes. Bobby grunted and whispered something under his breath before giving him a weak smile to Castiel.

“Nice ta’ meet ya. I’m Bobby Singer, my cohort Garth is here somewhere. He’s a… friendly guy.” As if summoned, Garth popped up with a bright smile, considerably healthier than Bobby. 

“Hey there! I’m Garth Fitzgerald the IV!” He gave Castiel a huge smile and pulled him into a hug, causing Castiel to completely freeze up. His entire body tensed and he seemed to go into a panic. Sensing this, Dean quickly pulled Garth away from Castiel, soon placing his arms on his shoulders, their eyes meeting.

Those dazzling green eyes helped to calm Castiel down. He searched through them, while Dean spouted something at him. He took a few deep breaths and came back to reality, though his blue still entranced with those green.

Hearing Bobby scolding Garth, he finally looked away and muttered a small apology. Feeling Dean’s grip leave his shoulder kind of made him sag. He missed the warmth. “Hey Cas? You okay? Sorry about Garth, he’s a… hugger.” He spoke the word with distaste as he walked away, Castiel following suite.

“Next stop first aid!” He smiled and wandered off.

\---

An hour or so later, Dean had finally introduced Castiel to everyone in camp. He’d met so many people, though a lot of them seemed wary of him, which didn’t surprise Castiel in the least. They were probably wondering what got their leader so pumped. 

Castiel could be a spy, a threat for all they knew. Biting the inside of his cheek, Castiel followed Dean, though not listening to a word he said. It was almost time for the strategy meeting. Where they would plan out their outings with people properly assigned places.

Reaching the big pit in the middle, he noticed everyone gathering. He felt a bit more comfortable as he’d met most of the people. There were some he obviously hadn’t met yet, but he recognized Lisa, and assumed that the child next to her was Ben.

He saw Bobby and Garth arguing about something, though it was obviously Bobby trying to extinguish a stupid idea from Garth, Jody was with them as well. He saw the brilliant red headed Charlie, bobbing up and down about something she loved. 

He acknowledged Rufus as he stood a lone warrior from everyone else. Giving most people heated glares, he didn’t trust anyone but Bobby and the brothers. Then there was Kevin and Chuck, side by side, seemingly nervous. 

Then he saw the love birds Benny and Andrea. They were always attached at the hip. He kind of liked Andrea, she ran the clinic with Lisa. There weren’t many trained medics and they were lucky that the two knew what they were doing. Pamela and all her glory, she weirded Castiel out, but she was honest, and blind, he felt sympathy for her, but she was damn good with her medical skills.

Then his eyes lingered upon Dean as he met with Sam, their conversation distant. He felt the two turn their eyes simultaneously snapping towards Castiel. That was enough to make a man nervous. Fidgeting, he watched the two smile at him before taking off towards the center. He was sitting all alone now.

“Alright everybody listen up!” All of a sudden, everyone was quiet and their attention was focused fully on Dean, even Rufus. Dean’s voice was loud, but pleasant to the ears. Castiel could listen to him speak all day. 

Sam stood towering next to him, how could someone be so tall? 

Shaking his thoughts, he heard Dean begin their game plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohgosh I am sorry it took so long to get through, I just can’t stop writing! I would’ve had this up earlier, but I left my computer charger at my sisters (it’s still there) so I had to borrow a friends charger. But I hope you liked this! My chapters just keep getting longer and longer… I hope you liked it from Cas’s pov-ish! I wanna write more his side, but I just have so many ideas and ughh! I promise next chapter will actually have something other than my ogling!


	4. Game Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean explains their outing plan, but things go differently than expected.

Shaking his thoughts, he heard Dean begin their game plan.

Castiel was a little startled when Dean pointed directly at him.

“This is Castiel. He’s a new addition to the camp, some of you have met him. Be nice.” His voice was stern and strict. No one said anything as there were nods seen throughout, the people Castiel hadn’t met yet.

Dean shot him a smile and he felt his core warm up. That smile really did a number on him, and it really confused him. Castiel wasn’t sure what it was, and it just made his head ache thinking about it. Turning his focus back to that beautiful man, he paid close attention.

“Alright. So we obviously need to have an outing today. I wanna take Cas along, to see how he is in action. Hopefully we won’t have to fight or anything but hey, you never know what those Croat’s are up to. Anyway, we’ll head to Lawrence and check a few of our old houses and if we have time we can stop by a nearby gas station, maybe it has something of value.”

Dean paused, looking through the crowd of people. Castiel felt a little nervous. His specialty wasn’t fighting… and it seemed to be a norm here that the women healed while the men did the brawn work. Fidgeting his hands, he avoided Dean’s gaze. He would talk to him before they head out.

“Okay! We will head out in a half hour, get your things ready for an outing! Sam, Cas, and I will be fighting on the front, I’ll have Garth scout the area real fast, making sure there aren’t too many Croats around. I’ll have Benny and Andrea search mostly for medical supplies, and any others will just search for anything useful. Any odds and ends you think might help. There is another camp along the way, so we’ll have to sneak by. That means Garth will have to keep his goddamn trap shut, kay?”

All eyes turned to Garth as a bright smile enveloped his face, giving Dean a thumbs up with no care in the world. He was weird, Castiel wanted to avoid him at all costs. After he convened the meeting, he gave Dean a small smile as he walked over with Sam.

“Hey Cas. Sorry for throwing you in, but I need to see what you can do.” Castiel shook his head and responded,

“No it’s okay. But I’m… I’m a better medic than a fighter.” He waited for the disgusted look to plague the pretty face in front of him, but he just shrugged and nodded. Castiel was a little surprised.

“Works for me. We need more medics anyway. But you’re still on the front with us. But you and Andrea are our only medics on this outing, so stay sharp. Nodding, Castiel felt a little giddy inside and he couldn’t place why.

\---

A half hour later, everyone was geared up and ready to go. Andrea had given Castiel a small first aid satchel that he had easy access to, and Dean gave him a silver gun with a white handle, similar to his and Sam’s.

After loading it and getting familiar with the gun, Castiel was ready. He was given easier clothes to maneuver and he hoped they found some more clothing. He couldn’t use Dean’s forever, even though he wouldn’t complain if he had to.

Dean assembled everyone, it was a team of about 10 people. Garth, Benny, Andrea, Sam, and Dean were the only ones he’d met formally. The others seemed a bit weary still. As they left camp, Castiel noticed how everyones demeanor had changed.

Except Garth. He was smiling and seemingly giddy. He assumed that Garth was left behind on a lot of missions, but Bobby wasn’t feeling well. Dean gave Garth a go to and he snuck ahead, he was stealthier than Castiel would have thought.

Soon enough, he came back, his previously smiling face was now drowned with confusion. This was worrying. He shared a few words with Dean, causing that freckled face to scrunch up in confusion as well.

Motioning them closer, they gathered around him. He was like a beacon and everyone gravitated towards him. He informed them that the nearby camp was empty. Like it had been empty for awhile, Garth suggested the Croat’s got them.

“Change of plans. Let’s ransack the camp. Garth said that it has been empty for a while, so we can scavenge their old clothes and what not. I doubt there’s much good food left, but let’s get in there before the Croats realize we’re there.”

Everyone nodded as they moved out once again.

When they came across the camp, everyone scrunched their faces. It was disgusting. The smell, the rot, and worst of all, the corpses.

The ones who didn’t make it through the infection.

There were rare cases where it was too much for some people to handle, even though all it really did was fill you with an incredible fire of rage that couldn’t be put out. The Croatoan virus was a nasty monster to humanity.

Luckily, none of the Croat’s seemed to stay back to wait for stragglers, for it was deserted. Castiel gulped as he felt Dean’s hand on his shoulder. Snapping his head up, he watched those dazzling green eyes turn stony. Emotion raked through them as he clenched his fist.

“Lets just get this over with. Benny, you go with Garth and check out their food stock and whatever else they have over there, and before you complain, Andrea is coming with us three, since I wanna keep the medics close by.”

Garth agreed happily as he beamed at Benny, who was upset, but didn’t want to cause any problems. Andrea on the other hand was less amused. “Don’t I get a say in this?” Her voice snapped at the three and Castiel couldn’t help but flinch.

It reminded him of home…

Dean just shot her a look and she was complacent. The four of them headed towards the first aid station, hoping to scavenge as much as they could. Luckily, the male cabins were located near the station, maybe they could actually find Castiel clothes to fit.

Entering the first aid, they had their guns out and cocked, ready to fire if needed. It was tense as they entered, Dean first, then Sam, then the other two. Castiel could feel the tension in everyone and he hated it.

It was uncomfortable, but as soon as they realized there was no threat, it relaxed a tiny bit. Dean gave the go to and Castiel and Andrea were both on top of things, picking up what they could. They found a lot more than they had expected.

There were herbs Andrea had never seen before, so she was hesitant to take them. Dean told her to take anything they could and they’d have a closer inspection later. Castiel wanted to enlighten them, there were so many new things now. But he guessed that they were on the low about everything.

Castiel grabbed what he could and shoved it into his empty bag. The two had bags full of assorted plants. These would be helpful for treating physical wounds. A smile played on Castiel’s face, which caused Dean to raise an eyebrow.

Though they soon left the building, Dean never had the chance to ask his question as they entered the male cabin, only to see a bloody, beaten child covered in blood, which if Castiel had to guess, was his own.

Dean froze up, cocking his gun at the child, who was barely conscious. Castiel examined the boy with his eyes. He looked to be about 10 years old, if that. His breathing was ragged and he wouldn’t live much longer if they didn’t act now. His eyes were half closed, and his body was nonstop trembling.

Without much thought, Castiel rushed over to the boy, causing worried sounds to come from the people by him. Setting the boy’s head on his lap, he examined his eye closely. Dean was about to speak when Castile interrupted him.

“He’s not infected.” He quickly removed the child’s clothing and examined his wounds. He had lacerations all over his body, though no bite marks. This wasn’t a Croat attack. Grabbing a towel from his first aid satchel, he wet it with his own water, washing away the blood from the wounds.

Soon enough, Andrea was on the other side, helping to clean the wounds. Castiel noticed a huge gash across the child’s shoulder and immediately set out to find a needle and some thread in his satchel. Grunting when he couldn’t find any, his eyes drifted to the mini sewing kit Andrea had found.

“Needle and thread. Now.” Without question, Andrea handed him the kit with wide eyes. She obviously didn’t understand what he intended to do. He pulled a few of the herbs from his kit and sorted through them, handing them to a confused Andrea.

“Grind those up and it’ll make a paste. Use that as ointment to tend the smaller wounds. Quickly.” Fumbling with her hands, she grinded it up with the hilt of her gun. Castiel got to work as well. He took his lighter out and burned the tip of the needle, sanitizing it.

It was going to hurt, but the child would live. Expertly threading the needle, he began to close up the giant gash on his shoulder. The child’s labored breathing became steadier as he wasn’t losing as much blood now.

Castiel finished sewing the wound and his shoulders sagged slightly out of relief. He soon wrapped his fingers around the child’s wrist, taking his heartrate. Thankfully, it slowed down to a more manageable pace.

“Cas?” Turning at the sound of his name, he met those dazzling green again. His fierce blue eyes now trembled slightly. He hoped that Dean wasn’t angry. He would have a lot of explaining to do.

“How’d you know that kid wasn’t a Croat?” Those green eyes searching his own endless blue for answers, finding none. Sagging his head, he bit his lip.

“I can explain when we are in the safety of camp.” He wished his voice was firm, but it trembled slightly. He really didn’t want to get kicked out now, it’d only been two days. Avoiding eye contact with Dean, his hand trembled as well as he motioned for Andrea to help pick the child up.

Not saying anything, Dean just nodded as he and Sam split up, picking up odds and ends. A few minutes later, Dean nodded to everyone and they exited the building. Calling Benny on his phone, Dean had them come back a little early.

As they met at the middle of the camp, Benny opened his mouth for a snark comment, but then he saw the child and his eyes turned stony. Garth on the other hand, seemed totally unaffected. What was wrong with this guy?

Castiel sighed as he felt Dean’s gaze linger on him. He could also feel Sam boring holes into his skull. It was uncomfortable. Keeping his head low, Dean lead them out of the camp and back to their own safety.

Since they returned early, it seemed to worry and shock people. Castiel didn’t hesitate once they reached camp, he booked it to the first aid with Andrea barely keeping up.

He could hear people whispering and once again he felt his throat close up on him.

He didn’t want to be an outcast _again_.

Meanwhile, Dean watched Castiel run off and headed towards Bobby’s with the provisions. Seems like Benny and Garth raided their library, they had a bunch of books, whether or not they were good was another question.

Dean had also found a dresser full of clothing, he’d have to portion the women’s out, but it seemed like he’d give these ones to Castiel. Some of the shirts might be a bit big, but nothing was going to fit right until he got some skin on those bones.

Shuddering at the thought of a shirtless Castiel, he wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing to think about. They only found a few unopened cans of beans, which wasn’t a surprise, since the camp had long been deserted.

He had no idea about the medical supplies they collected, because Castiel seemed to know more than anyone here. He’d have to sit him down for a talk later. Once they sorted everything out, Dean headed towards his cabin to drop off the clothing while Sam went to drop the little food off.

Dean’s thoughts once again strayed to the seemingly fragile Castiel. He couldn’t keep those blue eyes out of his head. He plagued his thoughts. Letting out a disgruntled sigh, he set the folded clothing on Castiel’s bed, where his eyes lingered a moment too long.

Giving up, Dean scratched the back of his head as he almost ran to the first aid cabin, almost running Sam over on his way out. A disgruntled Sam was about to yell at Dean when he noticed how fixed he was on getting to his destination. A small smile played on Sam’s face as he entered the cabin again.

Slamming the door open with more force than he meant, Dean watched Castiel jump a little.

“Didn’t mean to startle you. How’s the kid?” He asked, leaning against the wall, crossing his arms. He watched as Castiel seemed to avoid looking at him. He didn’t turn his head or even acknowledge Dean.

Biting his lip, Dean saw Andrea and motioned for her to leave. She didn’t stall as she went off, probably looking for Benny. Walking over, he sat in the chair across from Castiel, whose eyes were now fixed on the sleeping child in the bed.

Those entrancing blue eyes were trembling with fear. Why was he afraid? Dean tried to search them for answers, but he couldn’t find any. Before he had a chance to speak, Castiel blurted out, “I’m sorry please don’t kick me out.”

A little taken aback, Dean gave him an unbelieving look. Wetting his lips, he let out a short laugh. “Is that what you’re so scared about? That I’m gonna kick you out? Hell no.” His voice was firm as he tried to reassure him.

“Cas I couldn’t kick you out even if everyone hated you.” Why was he saying this? Dean couldn’t find the answer himself, and it worried him. What exactly were these feelings for Castiel? He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to find out.

Finally, Castiel looked at Dean, their eyes meeting. They both froze for a moment, reeling in this unknown feeling pooling in their stomachs. Dean refused to acknowledge the feeling while it confused Castiel. It felt like there were tiny butterflies fluttering around his stomach.

For a moment there was another silence as Castiel seemed to examine Dean’s face. Feeling the heat rise in his cheeks from being so heatedly watched, Dean cleared his throat before speaking.

“We need to talk about today.” Castiel became tense again as the subject was brought up again. Letting a sigh escape he realized he’d need to tell them certain things if he wanted to stay.

“…Okay. In Topeka, things are a lot more advanced than out here. First aid mostly. We’ve found ways to… prolong the infection.” He watched Dean’s face twist in confusion.

“It’s… Horrible. People are forcibly infected and we… we… experiment on them.” He took a gulp of air, his voice becoming shaky and his whole body trembling. The look on Dean’s face was enough to send him over the edge.

“We… Had no choice… Micheal…” The name got caught in his throat as he almost choked. All the disgust was gone from Dean’s face, it was now full of worry. Castiel was having another panic attack. He started choking on his sobs as memories flooded through him.

Dean quickly wrapped him up in his arms, rubbing his back gently. He was trying to sooth him, to calm Castiel down.

“Hey hey… Shhh…” He held Castiel tight in his arms as he felt his stomach twist at Castiel’s pain. Whoever made him feel like this was going to pay. Dean felt the anger rising in him and he had to quell it for the moment.

Topeka was obviously on a whole other level than they were, and they probably weren’t the only ones who were doing such… terrible things. Poor Castiel was thrust in the midst of it all, probably forced to do things he didn’t want to do.

Dean felt the sobs slowing and Castiel’s breathing become steadier and the trembling began to slow down. His heart ached as Castiel’s hands tightened around Dean’s arm. His breathing finally steadied as his usually fierce blue were now a dull blue.

“…I’m sorry.” Dean froze. Castiel was _apologizing_ for having a panic attack. Biting his lip, almost causing it to bleed, he gave him a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry about it. Just… Talk about it when you can. Don’t push yourself alright?” He still held Castiel in his arms when they heard a knock on the door and someone clearing their throat.

Dean sighed as Castiel scrambled out of his arms. Fucking Sam had to go and ruin the moment. He watched Castiel scrub at his face, trying to erase the fact that he was crying. He felt so vulnerable. But Dean’s arms were so warm and soothing…

Shaking the thoughts, he focused his attention on the child, who seemed to be stirring now. Sam came to check on the child and was confused as to why he was dealing with a very irritated Dean. Castiel refused to look at Sam, for he’d know that he was crying.

Crying was a sign of weakness, and Castiel _refused_  to show weakness to anyone.

Except for Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGHH, I hope I wrote that okay ; ^; It was my first outing/kindanotreally action scene. Also very little fluff in here, but it’ll get better later! I can’t wait to delve into Castiel’s story! I’m so excited to write more for this story! I hope you guys stick around for more!


	5. Samandriel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean interrogates the child and finds out more than he truly wanted to know.

Castiel let out a breath as he finally managed to calm down. Sam was worried about him, and so was Charlie and a few other people. It made him smile, thinking that despite his sudden appearance people actually cared for him.

The room was now completely silent, save for the breathing of the child. Castiel hurriedly checked his pulse, as he seemed to be waking up. The child’s eyes fluttered open, a childish blue met with Castiel’s, who stumbled backwards, causing Sam and Dean to look alarmed.

“Cas?” Dean asked, seeing how frozen Castiel was. Turning his head, he met with the child’s blue eyes. Almost matching Castiel’s. The boy was now sitting upright, his eyes boring into Castiel’s, almost like he was never injured in the first place.

On closer inspection, the boy seemed to now have no injuries on his body. This completely threw Dean off, and judging by the way Castiel was frozen, he assumed they must’ve known each other. Taking a step towards Castiel, he placed a hand on his shoulder, causing the man to jump and snap his head around.

As he met with those piercing blue, they seemed dull again. Fear was running through them, along with anxiety and confusion.

“Castiel.”

The boy spoke and it was almost like he was spitting daggers with the malice in his voice. Castiel’s eyes widened as he began to tremble. Who was this child to Castiel?

“S-Samandriel… Why…?”

Hearing the tremble and fear in Castiel’s voice almost threw Dean over the edge. He wanted to maul this boy, to make him stop doing whatever he was doing to Castiel. He didn’t like it. This _ten year old boy_ making Castiel tremble with fear.

Dean almost jumped at the boy as he stood up, seemingly fine even with the extent of injuries he used to have. Watching Castiel flinch back made Dean’s hand twitch. It wanted to start swinging, but he knew the disapproving look he’d get from Sam and Castiel if he lunged at a child.

Clenching his fist, he was about to intervene when the boy spoke again, his words harsh and piercing.

“Michael is very angry Castiel.” The boy’s eyes were emotionless as his words stabbed Castiel. Dean didn’t miss the flinch at the name spoken.

“No. Tell Michael I’m not coming back.” Though his words were fierce, his voice gave out as he so obviously trembled in fear. The boy smiled, sending a chilling shiver down his spine. This boy wasn’t normal. Castiel mentioned experiments, so maybe…?

Dean was running things over in his head when he heard a cry come from Castiel’s mouth. At some point, the boy had made it close enough to Castiel to hit him harshly on the cheek, sending him back to the ground with a force that made a ‘thud’ as he made contact with the hard floor.

That was it. Dean lunged in between them, grabbing the boy’s wrists, which seemed so fragile under his large hands. He met those dead blue eyes with his own fierce green. For a moment, he thought he saw emotion flash through them.

“Don’t you lay a _finger_ on Castiel, you hear me? Go back to this Michael or whatever and tell him you aren’t getting him back. He belongs to my camp now, and if he has a god damn problem, he can come to me and we’ll hash it out.”

His voice came out as a growl as the boy’s eyes widened for the first time. He heard a small whimper from behind him.

“Dean… Don’t…” Castiel tried to _defend_ the boy that just threw him to the ground. Now trembling with anger, he threw the boy at Sam, telling him to lock him up in the safe box for now. Castiel tried to protest, but the look in Dean’s eye stopped him cold.

As Sam escorted the frozen child out, Dean crossed his arms, his gaze lowering to the trembling man on the ground.

“Cas I-“He was cut off almost immediately by Castiel.

“Dean I’m sorry.” Dean opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out so he close it again. He kneeled down next to Castiel, placing his hand on his chin and directing it up. His cheek didn’t look too bad from this angle. It’d heal quickly at least with little bruising.

He met those ocean blue eyes, swimming with emotions. He’d never seen so many emotions flit through at once. Cupping his injured cheek, Dean just gazed into this eyes, which were now widening with shock.

“Dean?” His voice shook Dean. He closed his eyes for a moment, regaining himself. His voice was just _so_ damn sexy. He bit his lip, holding back the urge to just kiss him right there. Taking a deep breath in, he steadied himself.

“…I’m glad it’s not too bad.” Dean finally spoke, running his hand gently across the injury on his cheek. It infuriated him that Castiel actually allowed a _child_ to have so much power over him. He wanted to press the man, to find out exactly what was going on at his old camp, but he couldn’t force something like that off of Castiel right now, since he’s pretty shaken right now.

Right now they’d just focus on Samandriel, see what they could get out of him. He seemed… distant from everyone else, cut off from his emotions. He wondered if it was just the fact he was so young in these difficult times.

Oh he was so wrong.

\---

After everything calmed down, Dean took Castiel to rest, since he seemed to be emotionally and physically exhausted from the day’s events. He tried to protest, but Dean wasn’t hearing any of it. He brought Castiel some water and told him to rest. He’d get him up before dinner.

Once Castiel finally fell asleep, Dean headed towards the safe box, stone-faced. He was so lost in his own thoughts he didn’t hear the familiar chime of Charlie’s voice calling out to him. He only stopped once he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

Whipping around, he was about to yell at the person for bugging him while he was busy, but noticing it was Charlie he felt a little better. She had a worried expression on her face.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, removing her hand from Dean’s shoulder. She noticed the way he was tense and standing straight. That was never a good sign.

“Yeah yeah. Don’t worry about me. That child we brought back is bad news and I’m going to talk to him now. See if I can get anything out of him. He’s only _ten_ fucking years old and he’s devoid of emotion and he gives Cas just one look and the man has a fucking panic attack _again_. I just don’t know what the fuck to do, considering I can’t force it out of Cas, I just can’t. I just…” Dean hung his head and let out an audible sigh.

He looked up to see Charlie’s brow furrowed and her arms crossed.

“Wow dude. Sounds like you got a lot of shit on your plate. Well don’t stress too much about it! Cas will eventually open up to you, just gotta give him some time.” Charlie smiled and it lifted a few things from Dean’s chest.

Thank god he had such an awesome best friend.

After saying his goodbyes, he didn’t waste time reaching the safe box. Sam was stationed outside, his face was emotionless, though when he saw Dean walk up he seemed to relax just a little. He was about to speak when Dean just shook his head, opening the door and letting it slam shut.

He felt bad, but he wanted to get this over with. He unlocked another door as he noticed the boy just sitting in a chair off to the side, his posture perfect, completely straight, and his face devoid of any emotion of life.

Upon hearing the door creak open, Dean met the boy’s empty eyes. It made his stomach twist wondering what could have made those eyes so lifeless. Dean frowned as he walked toward the boy who just watched him.

It was kind of creepy…

Clearing his throat, Dean pulled up a chair next to the boy, slight confusion flashing across his face. The boy tilted his head, just like Castiel would.

“You are not going to hurt me? Or kill me?” Feeling his stomach twist again, Dean realized that the boy hadn’t planned on being let go alive, and the child was _completely okay with that_.

A sick feeling settle in his gut as he swallowed and shook his head. “No, I won’t kill you. Why… Never mind. I’m here to talk. I just want some information okay?” He was trying to be gentle, not come across as angry or forced.

The boy just stared at him. They sat quietly staring each other down for a few minutes. It was excruciating for Dean. Who knew when Castiel was going to get up? What if he ran off while Dean was away? He was regretting not telling Sam to watch him while he was with the kid.

Noticing the change in his thoughts, Samandriel tilted his head once again.

“I am Samandriel. I came from the same camp as Castiel did. Except I came to retrieve Castiel. He has made Michael angry.” Dean was a little shocked that he started talking, but he must’ve realized he wasn’t going anywhere unless he started talking.

Putting his hand up to stop him, Dean’s mind was swarming with questions.

“Okay. Who is Michael?” Samandriel gave a slight nod as he responded.

“Michael is our leader. He was sent from God to save us all. Everyone in our camp believes this… Except for Castiel. We all ended up together because we are all named after angels. No one has opposed Michael… except for Castiel.”

Wait. Did the kid seriously just say that Michael was sent from fucking _God?_

Dean almost laughed aloud, but it quickly dissipated as the even the child believed it to be true. This Michael guy must have a hell of a way with words, to be able to convince all these people that he’s from God.

Then there’s the whole thing about being named after angels. Dean had to admit Castiel was a weird name, but it was weirder that he lived with a bunch of other people also named after angels. What the hell was with those people?

Castiel had obviously thought something was wrong with everyone, to break away from such a strong bond with the others. Samandriel even seemed hurt when he brought up Castiel leaving. He’d have to ask him about that later.

Hesitating, Dean went slowly, “So… Cas mentioned something about experiments?” He noticed how the boy tensed up slightly. Now they were getting somewhere.

“Yes. Michael said that in order to do Gods will, we must all be complacent to experimentation and we all agreed wholeheartedly. He’d set people to be in charge of certain experiments. I am the outcome of the emotion and senseless experiment. They tortured me for hours upon hours every day. It took about a week to fully get rid of my senses. They burned the hands and feet, so that I couldn’t feel anything from them. I am mostly blind but my hearing is excellent. I am a much better fighter now that I can barely see. I have no taste buds because we shouldn’t be picky of what we eat. I whined about the food one day and Michael made sure I wouldn’t complain anymore. I also went through hours of emotional torture. Which now all of my emotions are locked away, since they hinder us in our lives. Castiel is too emotional and allows his feelings to take over his judgment.”

Dean’s jaw dropped as he felt as if he might throw up all over. His stomach twisted as he felt immense pity for the child.

_He’s only ten fucking years old._

About to respond, he was cut off by the boy continuing.

“Though since Castiel was Michael’s favorite, he didn’t have to go through everything we did. He was trained with fighting and his medical skills are superb. He wasn’t experimented on emotionally like I was, which is a shame. He’d be so much better without them plaguing his mind. He was given lots of serums and weird concoctions. Many of them failed and left him sick for weeks. He almost died once because of one. Though we didn’t come out completely empty handed. He was left with exceptional healing abilities. Whatever injuries he would sustain would be completely healed within a few hours at most. He was once stabbed fatally near his heart but he was completely healed within two hours.”

Dean was biting his lip. How the hell did Castiel manage to escape that hellhole? And for some reason he really didn’t like the fact that he was Michael’s favorite. The guy was a sick bastard. Dean needed to talk to Castiel.

Standing up quickly, he gave the child a sad smile and thanked him for talking. He dashed out and just told Sam to watch over him. He was sure the kid wouldn’t do anything reckless, but Dean didn’t want to jinx himself.

Once again on a mission, he briskly walked to their cabin, at one point he almost broke into a run. Reaching the cabin, he entered, expecting to the Castiel huddled up in the bed, but he wasn’t there.

Dean went into a mode of panic until he heard the shower water running. His heart slowed a little as he let out a loud sigh of relief. Sitting down on his bed, he ruffled his hair. It has been one stressful day.

Hearing the shower shut off, he lifted his head from his hands, greeting Castiel with a smile. Apparently he hadn’t heard Dean come in and his eyes grew wide when he saw Dean. Once again Dean found himself just admiring the man.

His toned body seemed to glisten as he had a towel loosely draped around his hips, revealing his very appealing hip bones. Dean bit his lip hard to keep his mind out of the gutter. His eyes then shot up to the still shocked man just standing there.

His blue eyes wide, his curly black hair a mess on his head from being ruffled with the towel, a weak attempt to dry it. His lips were slightly parted and Dean couldn’t help but notice how full and pink they were.

Licking his lips, he pushed the urge to jump him back down. He couldn’t be dominated by his lower body, not at crucial moments like this. So he forced his eyes back to Castiel’s giving him a smile and standing up.

“Wanna get some grub?” Castiel responded with a quick nod as he nervously fidgeted and thumbed through the new clothes he got. Turning around, Dean gave him some privacy as he noticed the towel was slipping off of his frail body.

Dean wouldn’t be able to stop if it did fall off.

“I’m ready.” Dean was a little startled to hear his voice as he turned around, the man was in much closer proximity than before. He had to take a step back to compose himself. Castiel threw on a simple pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt.

Giving Dean another nod, they left in a comfortable silence.

Reaching the mess hall in a short time, they both forced smiles and greeted people. Thankfully no one decided to be a douche and ask about the day’s outing. He was sure they could all feel how tense things were.

Motioning for Castiel to take a seat at the table, he went off to get them food. Not stopping for idle chit chat, he grabbed some food and hurried back to the man at the table. For the first time he noticed how straight Castiel sat, his hands neatly placed on the table, though minding his manners as to not have his elbows on the top.

If Dean ever got his hands on Michael… It wouldn’t be pretty.

Gritting his teeth, he placed their food down and watched as Castiel began to fiddle with it. Wait. Did he have taste buds? Watching carefully as he took a bite after Dean, his shoulders sagged in relief as his face lit up at the unique taste.

A small smile played on Dean’s face as they ate in a comfortable silence. He wasn’t sure when he should bring Samandriel up, but it was inevitable. He at least waited until Castiel had finished his meal, sitting patiently until Dean finished him.

Letting a sigh out, Dean set his utensils down with a little more force than he meant, startling Castiel. His head shot up and Dean swore he saw fear pass through those fragile blue eyes. He felt his heart ache slightly, at the thought that he was the reason Castiel was afraid.

No. It’s not me. His past is haunting him.

“So Cas… While you were resting, I talked to Samandriel.” Biting his lip, he noticed Castiel completely tense up and avoid making eye contact. He noticed the slight tremor jilting throughout his body now.

“Hey don’t worry. You’re not in trouble.” He placed his hand on top of Castiel’s, causing the man to shoot him a confused look. But the fact that he didn’t rip his hand away made Dean feel better.

In fact, he timidly turned his hand over underneath Dean’s so that their palms are not touching. He avoids eye contact as he squeezes Dean’s hand. They sit like that for a moment in silence before Dean speaks up.

“He told me about some of the experiments.” There he goes again, tensing up. Dean just squeezes his hand tighter as he tries to make eye contact.

“He mostly told me about the experiments on him…” There was that sick feeling in his stomach again, “They actually did those things to a child? He’s ten fucking years old Cas…” Once again not making eye contact, he opened his mouth to respond.

“He was only seven at the time of the experiments.” He instantly regretted the moment the words left his mouth because now Dean couldn’t make eye contact with him. Those green eyes were filled with anger and sadness.

Taking a deep breath in, Dean tried to compose himself. “He also told me a little about you.” The warmth under his hand was gone. He snapped his head up to find Castiel staring at him wide eyed, his whole body now trembling.

“Then you know… What I am.” Dean gave a slight nod.

“I-I am sorry.” He hung his head and Dean felt pain shoot through his heart. He noticed the tears pooling in those beautiful blue eyes.

“I’ll pack my things and leave immediately.” Dean’s head shot up, his eyes widened in shock as he stood up quickly, forgetting there were others in the mess hall.

“What?” Dean was genuinely shocked. There was no way in hell he was letting Castiel leave now. His shock seemed to surprise Castiel too. His face was bitter and tears freely fell from his eyes.

“I-I’m a monster, Dean. I’m not normal. I should go back to Michael.” As he mentioned normal, he turned his face to show that his injury from earlier was completely healed. Though once he mentioned Michael’s name, anger seethed through Dean.

He grabbed Castiel’s wrist and dragged him out of the mess hall, feeling everyone’s eyes on them. Hearing no protest from behind, he shot a quick glance at the man. He was a mess. Tears were still flowing from his eyes and he was trembling under Dean’s grip.

Slamming the cabin’s doors open, he pushed Castiel inside. His eyes were a fierce green versus Castiel’s terrified blue eyes.

“D-Dean?” His voice was shaking as he rubbed at his face, trying to erase the fact he’d been crying.  Grabbing his wrists, Dean lowered them as he made eye contact with Castiel.

“You will _not_ go back to that camp. You will _never_ return to Michael if I have any say. You are not a monster. I honestly don’t give a fuck that you can heal faster than others. Seriously. If anything, it just means you are stronger than others. But I swear to fucking _God_ if that Michael comes anywhere near you or my camp, he won’t leave alive. In these few days I’ve known you, I’ve grown to care about you immensely. I’m not going let a douche with a God complex take you back.”

He was still holding Castiel’s wrists, though it wasn’t a tight grip. He let go of them and pulled him in for another hug, which lasted more than it probably should have. Castiel buried his face in Dean’s neck, inhaling in the scent of cheap soap.

A smile made its way onto Castiel’s face as he tightened his grip around Dean.

Dean leaned over and whispered in Castiel’s ear, sending a shiver down his spine.

“I will always be here for you.” Castiel wasn’t sure if he imagined it, but he felt a small kiss behind his ear, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want more.

Sadly, Dean pulled away from their embrace and gave Castiel a small smile, heading to the shower.

\---

A few hours later, Dean and Castiel lay in their separate beds, both tossing and turning, obviously unable to sleep.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Ditto.”

“…Can we talk?” Dean shot up in his bed, looking over at Castiel who found something of interest on the wall adjacent to Dean. Stepping out of bed, he sat on the edge of Castiel’s absently playing with his hair splayed out behind him.

“I’m ready when you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH LORD. Despite the length, this chapter was a bit harder to write, especially at the beginning. I hadn’t planned much for this chapter but about a third of the way in I got some ideas that just lasted longer than I thought. So the next chapter is going to be mostly flashback, since I don’t want to delve into super long dialogue monologues! It’s going to be centered around Castiel, and I am sorry if you hate me after it because I am a terrible person! I hope you guys stick around c:


	6. Dark Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's past!

Castiel felt his heart pick up speed when he heard Dean shuffling in his bed. What was he doing? This was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done. But maybe it’d be good for him. Maybe he could finally face his past.

Taking a deep breath in, he also sat up, feeling Dean’s eyes on him. He could tell Dean was also a little nervous, though for what he couldn’t tell. He let out a shaky breath as he avoided eye contact, though patted the seat next to him on the bed.

Dean quickly got up and turned on one of the oil lamps nearby, engulfing the two in a dim light. Castiel couldn’t get over how the dim light brought the brightness of Dean’s out. It made his heart race for a different reason.

Swallowing, he felt a lump stick in his throat. He opened his mouth a few times, but it went dry as no words seemed to come out. Clenching his fist, he closed his eyes tight, trying to get a hold of himself. He quickly opened his eyes as he felt a calloused hand gently clasp his own clenched fist.

Finally, his eyes with Dean’s. Castiel’s eyes quivered as he started to calm down a little. Those bright green soothing him. That warm hand calming his crazy heart. Taking another breath in, he didn’t break eye contact.

“Whenever you are ready Cas. Don’t rush yourself.” He felt a gentle squeeze as his clenched fist relaxed and Dean’s hand now rested on top of his.

“…Okay. As you heard from Samandriel, we come from a camp named after the angels of God. Michael as our… leader.” He cringed as he spoke the words.

“He believes he was sent from God to save the world, to cure us of our diseases. He honestly and truly believes this. He is completely devoted, though his tactics are far from what any God would want. But he really does think he’s helping. As for the… experiments, since our camp was located near Topeka, we had a lot of resources, and Michael had convinced everyone that the God was speaking directly to him, and many still believe.”

\---

Castiel yawned as he got up, crack of dawn. His emotions on the fritz due to the new drug Michael had him on. His hand was constantly trembling and his head would twitch occasionally. Another downside of this new drug was that he was constantly cold, part of the reason he was always trembling.

He left his room, heading to grab some breakfast before attending the morning ceremony Michael always insisted on. As he walked down the gravel path, he passed Anna. Her red hair messy as if she hadn’t showered in weeks.

Nodding to her, she completely ignored him, zipping by, mumbling something about preventing the apocalypse. Her eyes were completely wide with insanity. She probably wasn’t going to last much longer.

Whatever Michael had her on was obviously stronger than he anticipated.

Keeping his head up, Castiel entered the cafeteria, nodding his head at his fellow brothers. Gabriel, Lucifer, and Balthazaar were sitting at a table together, gossiping about something or someone gone wrong.

“Hey Cassie! Come sit with us!” He hated that nickname. It made him sound like a fucking girl. But with his personality, Castiel could only smile and nod, being complacent and sitting with the three troublemakers.

“Did you see Anna?” Castiel picked up his fork with a trembling hand as he took a bite, nodding silently. Gabriel had a huge smile on his face. Oh how he wanted to wipe that smile off. Even though none of them were actually blood related, he felt a familial bond with everyone, excluding Michael.

Castiel was usually more sociable, but he was having problems focusing because of the drug he was on. It was way more effective in the morning and his empty stomach wasn’t helping. He’d zone out and his vision would blur sometimes, only being brought back by Gabriel’s hand on his shoulder, concern shrouding his usually suave features.

Trying to focus his vision on the shorter man, he closed his eyes for a moment, opening them again, trying to clear his vision. “Hey Cassie, you okay?” His hand squeezed gently on his shoulder.

Letting out a shaky breath Castiel gave a slight nod of his head, closing his eyes once more.

“Y-Yeah. It’s just... Michael has me on a new drug. I think Anna and I are the new test subjects, but he gave her the stronger one. I should be fine in a few hours at least. I’m meeting Michael before the morning ceremony. So I should probably finish and get to him.”

Gabriel narrowed his eyes as Castiel mentioned meeting him before the ceremony.

“Just get the antidote please, I don’t want you passing out during the prayer!” Gabriel tried to lighten the mood, imagining how shocked everyone would be if he just collapsed in the middle of prayer. Castiel didn’t see the joke though.

He was always too literal, compared to the others.

Finished his food, he waved goodbye to the three, and slowly headed towards Michaels. His vision was still a little clouded, but he could make out where he was going, and he could get to Michaels blindfolded if he really needed to.

He went there so often anyway.

Stopping outside the door, he took a few breaths, more worn out than usual. The drug was definitely a morning drug. It had no exhilaration either, just pure exhaustion to the point of wanting to pass out. He weakly knocked three times before the door swung open, revealing Michael.

He’s blond hair was a bit disheveled as he looked worn out as well.

Seeing Castiel though, he stood up straight, trying to look bigger and stronger. Though when he took in Castiel’s state, concern briefly flashed through his eyes.

Michael wasn’t a horrible person. He was actually a nice guy underneath his God complex. He wanted to be a good son, thinking he was the first archangel God created. Though God is his first priority, he seems to genuinely care about Castiel.

Though not in a brother way.

Michael gave him a gentle smile, “Come in Castiel. You look worse for wear.” His formal way of talking never ceased to amaze Castiel, even when he looked utterly destroyed. Michael gave him a once over before allowing him to plop into the nearby chair.

“I’ll get the antidote. Have you seen Anna?” His words were like little needles piercing Castiel’s head. His headache crashing into him like a wave. He let a small whimper escape his lips, drawing Michael’s attention.

“Y-Yes. She… Doesn’t look very well.” Michael finished whatever he was doing and leaned down in front of Castiel, placing his hand on his cheek. Castiel felt himself leaning into the touch, since he felt like he was on fire and Michael had a cool hand.

“Here… Drink this.” He tipped the teacup up to Castiel’s mouth, licking his lips as he watched him slowly drink the concoction.

Immediately, he felt his headache slowly fade away, now just a dull ache. It took a few more minutes for his body to recover, and he just sat there while Michael got ready for the ceremony. In the time it took Michael to shower, his vision had fully come back.

Now was the feat of seeing how his stability was on his feet. His hand had only a slight tremor now and his body was no longer jumping between hot and cold. He pushed himself up off the chair, turning towards the chair so he could use it as leverage just in case.

To his surprise, and dismay, he felt hands wrap around his waist, cool kisses against his neck. This was the worst part. Michael enjoyed Castiel in more ways than one. He was told if he didn’t obey, God would rain down his wrath upon Castiel.

Castiel couldn’t bear the thought of being kicked out. So he just dealt with it, he obeyed Michael and let him have his way.

No matter what.

“Castiel… You are so gorgeous.” He heard Michael’s lusty voice growl into his ear. He could feel Michael’s erection hitting his thigh as he pressed their bodies close. Castiel shivered, but not from pleasure.

It always freaked him out when Michael acted this way. Michael’s hand trailed down his stomach, down his inner thighs, rubbing back and forth. Castiel bit his lip as Michael grinded against him, sighing in pleasure.

He felt sick.

Biting his lip, he felt Michael start grinding gently on him, though to his dismay the grinding became rougher and rougher.

“Michael the ceremony is not far off…” He tried to distract him, receiving a grunt, he was turned around. Michael’s lips were slightly parted and his eyes blown with lust.

“Suck it.” Michael’s words were firm as he unbuttoned his own pants. Castiel kneeled with shame, beginning their daily ritual. He took his member into his mouth, flicking his head on the tip a few times. He could feel Michael tense from the pleasure.

Castiel hoped he wouldn’t last long. He developed a technique and each time it was his goal to make Michael release faster. It became a little game, something to keep his mind off the taboo things they did behind closed doors.

Thankfully he was only really used for this, Michael never tried to go all the way, always sensing Castiel’s discomfort with the matter.

As Michael neared his release, he grabbed Castiel’s hair, thrusting into his mouth, letting groans escape his mouth. Not long after he sped up, he released in Castiel’s mouth. Of course, he had to swallow or Michael would get angry.

Once it was all said and done, Michael allowed him to clean up in his bathroom. He always voiced that he wanted to help Castiel with his problem, but Castiel could never get it up for Michael. Ever.

The thought sickened Castiel, making him feel cold to the core. His distaste for Michael grew more and more every day.

“Let’s go Castiel.” Michael spoke, his speech short as he composed himself, ready for the day’s events to proceed. The two walked to the middle of camp together, Castiel walking a few paces behind Michael, as a show of respect.

If Castiel walked next to Michael, he’d probably knock him out. He really cared about appearances, about being on top. He was the strongest and no one wanted to test that theory.

The morning ceremony commenced with no problems. The only problem right now seemed to be Anna. She didn’t attend the ceremony and the pair had found her trembling in the corner, her eyes blown with insanity.

“Anna?” Michael’s voice was firm as she snapped her head up. Her face brightened a little as she smiled, tilting her head.

“Michael I did it.”

“Did what?”

“I killed him. Now… Now he can’t get in your way. We won’t have any problems with those brothers changing fate.”

Just then the two realized the rotten smell of flesh, and the dead body of Inias next to her. He was bloody and beaten. No chance of survival, if he wasn’t dead already. When did she do this? Castiel tensed up along with Michael.

“Anna…” Michael’s face contorted as he realized the full extent of what she’s done. Her face now twisted with concern.

“Michael?” Anna stood up, walking towards him, motioning to poor Inias’s body.

Michael just shook his head, reaching for his knife on his belt. Anna had to be stopped. Quickly jabbing her chest, where her heart would be, she let out a wrenching scream, as if she was being burned from the inside out.

Castiel assumed it was the drug making things worse for her. At least they knew what to check off the list of usable herbs.

Michael turned away from the bodies, leaving them there.

“Clean these up Castiel.” A short grunt was his only response as he closed Anna’s open eyes. Feeling her body still warm destroyed him. Why? Why did they have to do this? What was Michael thinking?

They had lost so many people due to the experiments and he almost couldn’t bear any more of it. He wanted out. He cleaned up the bodies of his dear brethren and he went to shower, before heading off to Michaels cabin again.

That would be the last time he met with Michael.

After what he just witnessed, he could no longer stay.

Walking into Michael’s room, Castiel trembled slightly. Making eye contact with him, he could tell Michael knew something was off. “Is everything alright Castiel?”

“I’m leaving.”

The words seemed to be running through Michael’s head. A smile appeared on his face as he let out a short laugh.

“Oh Castiel you have too much of a serious demeanor to crack jokes.”

“I’m not joking Michael. After what just happened with Anna… I can’t do this anymore. I can’t stand idly by as you kill off our kin. I know it’s not what you intend, I know you have good intentions overall, but I just can’t do it anymore.”

Michael’s face contorted as he realized this was no joke. He clenched his fists and took a few steps toward Castiel.

“Excuse me? You have no right to judge my actions. God sent _me._ Not you. Who are you to decide whether or not you can leave? Castiel you have no room to speak against me or to leave.”

Castiel felt a tremble wrack his body.  He wasn’t going to lie, Michael terrified him and he knew the damage he was capable of doing. But he couldn’t stand down. Standing tall against Michael, he had the look of rebellion in his eye.

“No Michael. It’s not right, no matter how shitty our lives have become, it gives us _no_ right to experiment on others, to ruin their lives because _we_ want better ones. I understand it helps but we just can’t keep experime-“

Michael’s fist connected with Castiel’s jaw, nearly dislocating it. He fell the ground with a thud as he felt his cheek sting. Michael now towered over him as he grabbed a fist full of hair and slammed his head into the ground.

His face stung and he knew he was bleeding, but he wasn’t giving in.

Castiel tried to push him away, but Michael soon stomped on him with his foot, kicking his stomach next.

“I’ve done everything for you Castiel! I’ve cared for you more than anyone else, and _this_ is my repayment? For you to abandon me, to tell _me_ that I’m the one in the wrong? How _dare_ you.”

Another kick to the gut, Castiel could feel himself losing consciousness as Michael picked him up by his shirt.

“Go back to your room and don’t you dare bring this topic up to me again. Understand?”

Tears were freely flowing from his eyes as he nodded. Michael tightened his grip on the shirt as he soon pushed Castiel roughly away, sending him away, still seething with anger. Castiel maintained his composure as he retreated to his cabin.

He’d leave at midnight.

\---

Castiel left out a lot. But from the look of Dean’s face, he wasn’t sure how much more the man could take.

“Wait. So that asshole _forced_ himself on you? Cas that’s just fucking _wrong._ ” Dean’s hand now squeezing Castiel’s, he was trembling with anger. Castiel almost wanted to laugh. Dean didn’t even know the half of it.

“I… I was lucky to get out of camp that night. Michael must’ve thought I wasn’t seriously going to leave, otherwise he would’ve guarded my room. I wish I could have seen the look on his face when I didn’t show up the next morning. I ran as fast as I could with the little provisions I had. I made it to Big Springs. I only stopped a little for a short rest and food. About 2 hours from the camp in Topeka, I slowed to a walk. Michael wouldn’t be up till 6 am, so I was good on time. Though once I made it to Big Springs, I stayed a few nights at a friendly camp. They fed and rested me, thankfully. They wanted me to stay, but I couldn’t. Michael would find me there, so I kept going until I found your camp here in Lawrence…”

A shy smile appeared on his face. He was truly happy that he found Dean and his camp. It was so much better than he could have asked for. But it worried him that Michael sent Samandriel, Lawrence was 9 hours away on foot, but Dean’s camp was about 12 hours and according to Michael, God didn’t believe in using motor vehicles.

Michael must be desperate to get him back. Why? The question probed Castiel’s mind. What did he have that Michael so desperately needed? He was so easily replaceable. Tightening his grip on Dean’s hand caused the freckled man to look up.

His anger subsided as he breathed in and out, calming himself. Meeting those dazzling green again, Castiel didn’t ignore his heart thumping. Though what came from Dean next surprised Castiel.

“I won’t let him have you.” Castiel felt emotions bubbling in him. Why did Dean care so much? He couldn’t help as he felt the tears stinging at his eyes. He looked up at Dean with confusion swimming in his blue eyes.

“…Why?” The words barely came out as the tears overflowed, streaking his cheeks. He couldn’t understand this man. This wonderfully beautiful man, who seemed to care more about him than anyone had.

Dean reached his free hand out and wiped a tear away, his hand lingering on his cheek as he subconsciously licked his lips. Castiel was mesmerized by those green eyes, now swirling with an unknown emotion.

He pretended not to notice how their faces slowly inched closer, until he could feel Dean’s breath on his lips. His breath hitched as he closed his eyes, feeling Dean’s warm lips press against his.

_Finally._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh lord. I’m sorry. I just… I couldn’t help myself. This chapter didn’t turn out exactly as I planned and it’s kind of all over the place, but I cut a lot out that seemed to be excess information that wasn’t really needed. I hope the transition between now and the past was clearish. I wanted to get the whole Michael obsession thing with Cas though. Oh, I am sorry about Anna. I just couldn’t help myself c: Thanks for reading this far! The next chapter will be fluffy and smutty. Finally right? Then we delve into more plot! I’m hoping it’s only a few more chapters! I have so many ideas it might end up with a sequel involving a demon camp. Alright, please comment or leave a kudos! It really helps fuel me!


	7. A Time for Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas get a bit steamy, angsty, and just tears.

He pretended not to notice how their faces slowly inched closer, until he could feel Dean’s breath on his lips. His breath hitched as he closed his eyes, feeling Dean’s warm lips press against his.

The feel of their lips pressing together threw Castiel over the edge. He was scared his heart would leap out of his chest. Dean’s lips weren’t perfect, no. They weren’t those fanfiction perfect softness you’d think they’d be. They were rough and chapped, and just perfect against Castiel’s.

Dean on the other hand thought that Castiel’s were perfect. His full pink lips were delectable as Dean moved his mouth against them. They were soft and oddly felt fragile. He was afraid he’d break under Dean’s rough touch.

Feeling Castiel writhe under his touch pushed him on. He lightly licked his bottom lip, asking for entrance into his mouth, which was quickly obliged as Castiel didn’t even give it second though as Dean’s tongue was now roaming Castiel’s mouth.

Things were quickly getting heated as their tongues explored the new area they were allowed. Dean just wanted to push Castiel down and ravish him. It took all his willpower not too, though he couldn’t deny the tightness growing in his pants.

His hands began to explore Castiel’s clothed body, while Castiel’s hands rested on his chest. Running his hands down his arms, he pushed under his shirt, hands exploring as much skin as they could. As they reached his chest, he pulled the shirt off over Castiel’s head.

He couldn’t help but just stare at his body. It was so thin and seemingly fragile. Leaning over he placed a delicate kiss on Castiel’s chest, earning a very quiet whimper from the receiving end. A smile played on Dean’s lips as he thought of all the things he could do to the man to make him cry out.

Now he could feel his aching member suffocating in his pants. Castiel seemed to notice his problem as ran his hands down Dean’s chest to the bulge in his jeans. After achieving a gruff moan from Dean, he began to fumble with getting them off.

Not much later they were officially pushed down and Castiel had his hand wrapped around Dean’s erection, who was now laid back while Castiel hovered over him.

“Dean…” Castiel let a moan out as he moved his lips to meet Deans again, giving him a few strokes. Dean accepted the kiss as he moaned into his mouth from the friction happening below. Castiel slowly rolled his hips at the perfect angle so that their erections would slot together.

They both let out a moan through the kiss as the friction was almost too much. All of sudden Castiel’s lips were no longer touching his and they were trailing down his body, leaving wet kisses on his chest all the way down to his throbbing erection.

Castiel flicked the tip with his tongue and Dean let out a groan as thoughts of Michael flew through his mind. Quickly grabbing Castiel’s head, he pushed him off, earning a surprised noise from the aroused man.

“Dean?” Castiel could sense the concern and hesitation from Dean.

His blue eyes flicker up to green as he can see a million emotions running through them.

“Cas we can’t.” Dean turned his head away and his gaze would flicker back and forth between Castiel and the ground.

“Why? We both want this…” This seems to make Dean angry as he raises his voice.

“No! Don’t you see Cas? I’m just like Michael… I don’t want to be another Michael in your life.” Castiel leans closer as he placed his hand Dean’s bare thigh, rubbing little circles as it’s his turn to talk.

“You are nothing like Michael. I _like_ you Dean. I didn’t like Michael… and none of this is forced. You have my complete consent. What I felt toward Michael was complete and “utter disgust, but you… There is an ache in my chest for you Dean.”

Castiel felt his face heat up slightly as he admitted more than he’d ever meant to admit to the man before him. They were literally bare and their arousal fading. He sees the resolve in Dean’s face fading.

“Just let me do this for you. I _want_ this Dean.”

Dean refused to make eye contact as his face was also slightly flushed, trying to ignore his pulsing erection. What was Castiel doing to him? He didn’t want to acknowledge the throbbing in his chest. Biting his lip, he just gave Castiel a slight nod.

Castiel’s face brightened as he was allowed this one thing. Thankfully their little chit chat hadn’t softened either of them up.

Placing a soft kiss on Dean’s lips, his mouth once again trailed down his chest, leaving little kisses here and there, gentle this time. None of it was forceful as he didn’t want to push Dean away again.

Finally reaching his destination, he wrapped his hand around Dean’s member and started out with slow strokes. He placed a small kiss on the tip as he gently licked down the shaft, enjoying the now labored panting from the man above.

Dean couldn’t believe this was happening. He looked down at the man touching him, those god damn blue eyes looking up at him through his thick lashes as he lewdly licked his dick. Dean was soon lost in pleasure as Castiel took his head in full, swirling his tongue around the tick, lapping up the drops of pre-come leaking out.

Dean let a soft moan escape as he got the sweetest blowjob ever. How does that even work?

Castiel hollowed his cheeks out and slowly began to bob his head, getting as far down as he could without choking himself. Dean was considerably bigger than Michael in every which way, but he shook the thought from his head. Dean would be upset if he knew what he was thinking.

Dean’s hips bucked up and almost choked Castiel, causing Dean to grunt out apologies as his eyes were slam shut. He was getting close and Castiel could tell. His breathing was even more labored and Dean’s hands were now running through Castiel’s hair.

Dean’s hips were now thrusting to meet Castiel’s bobs, as he gripped onto Castiel’s hair without warning and grunted loudly as Castiel pulled off quickly, causing Dean to release onto his stomach and some of Castiel’s neck.

“Shit. Sorry.” Dean apologized but it sounded like his voice was far off from where his mind was. He hated himself, though he was still coming down from his post-orgasm high.

The sight of Castiel nearly made him lose any self-control. The man was now straddling him as he wiped Dean’s come from his neck, giving a small lick off his finger.

_God damn that was hot._

He was brought back to reality as Castiel let out a small moan, grinding his hips in little circles.

“Dean I want you to take me…” Dean quickly shot up, making Castiel fall backwards, catching himself on the bed posts. Dean’s eyes glazed over with something that definitely wasn’t lust, but Castiel couldn’t decipher what it was.

His own blue eyes searched, trying to find an answer. “Dean?”

“No.” Dean quickly replied, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, fully sitting up now. Panic settled in Castiel’s chest as he tried placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder, only to have it swatted away. His heart was racing a million miles a minute now.

“We can’t Cas. It’s wrong and I just can’t. Okay? I can’t do it.”

_I can’t taint you anymore than I already have._

Tension fills the room and Castiel can’t handle it.

“So I get you off and you ditch? Leave me like this?” Dean was taken aback by the sheer venom in Castiel’s voice. Dean knew he was to blame for this, so he stood up abruptly, not looking back at Castiel because he knew that he might not be able to resist if he saw him now.

It was taking _everything_ in Dean to walk away like this.

That’s when he heard it.

The small gasps from behind him, little moans saying his name.

_Castiel was masterbating to Dean’s name._

Dean felt his dick twitch in response. Willing himself down he listened to Castiel’s breathing become labored, hoping he wouldn’t last much longer.

Castiel wasn’t sure what he was doing. What was he even thinking? This wasn’t going to change anything between him and Dean and it sure as hell wasn’t making things better. He had to admit the little twitches Dean made when he’d gasp his name was nice though.

Feeling his vision blur, Castiel released shouting Dean’s name. All he could hear was his breathing and the sound of a door slamming.

He lay there for a few moments, letting his post-orgasm high fade. It faded into panic and self-hatred.

What the hell did he just do?

Standing up, his body felt numb as he trudged toward the shower. His orgasm high now gone and panic settled in his gut.

He _really_ fucked up.

Standing under the warm water, he felt his muscles relax slightly, though his body was tense due to the stress now weighing down on it. He’d forced Dean to engage in sexual activity with him, and now he might have ruined his relationship with Dean forever.

Feeling tears burn at his eyes, he let them fall freely as he began to sob. He collapsed to his knees to rests his head against the wall. His tears now mixing with the water.

Castiel exited the shower, his eyes red from crying, though the tears still flowed from his eyes even though no sounds came out. He dressed in some clothes that Dean found for him. He bit back a sob as he wished he could go back in time and reverse what had just been done.

He looked over at his bed, the sheets were messy and he quickly ripped the sheets off, throwing them on the ground with a loud grunt. Tears still flowing he just started throwing things around the room.

He threw his lamp from his bedside table, along with a few cups that he remembered Dean gently placed there in the middle of the night. He wanted to erase Dean from his mind, but he knew he’d have to face him sooner or later.

He decided it would be best to just pretend it never happened, to go back to treating Dean like a stranger.

To not remember how he allowed Dean to break his walls, how he allowed Dean to penetrate his heart and leave a mark that was impossible to remove.

Castiel rubbed his eyes furiously and collapsed on the floor as he lay there until he fell asleep, hours of relentless crying on the cold hard ground.

_I’m sorry Dean_.

\---

Dean rushed off, his heart in a frenzy and his mind betraying everything he knew. He couldn’t go there with Cas, he just couldn’t. He didn’t know what he’d do if Cas turned into another Lisa. He just didn’t want to think about that.

He refused to destroy the trust he’d built in Castiel, though after what just happened he probably ruined it anyway. He mentally cursed himself as he wandered aimlessly around the campground, not caring what time it was.

He was stonefaced as he was having a mental battle with himself about his feelings.

He trusted Cas, and maybe he felt more for the man than he should for a friend, but he couldn’t let it get any further than they got. What they did had crossed the line already and now he was afraid he’d hurt Cas more than Michael did.

Dean argued with himself for hours until he noticed the time. Holy shit it was four in the morning. He walked back to the cabin, hoping that Castiel was sleeping. He wouldn’t have sat up waiting all this time for him would he?

Hesitating, he opened the door as the sight he saw was much worse. The room was completely trashed. There was broken glass everywhere along with bedsheets thrown around. Dean spotted a pair of his sweatpants crumpled in the corner.

_The pair he gave to Castiel._

His heart throbbed as he realized the man wasn’t in his own bed. _Shit shit shit._ He panicked for a moment until he noticed a blob on the floor in the corner. Slowly he walked towards him, just in case he was awake.

Dean kneeled down, inspecting for any glass that could possibly be nearby. He noticed that Castiel was just curled up, fetal position on the hard floor. He had no blanket nor the proper night clothes. He was wearing jeans and a button up shirt.

Dean felt pain jolt through his chest as he realized that he was the reason for this mess. Castiel was broke over him. Biting his lip hard, he cleaned off Castiel’s bed, there was broken shit on it as well. He took his own sheets from his bed and remade Castiel’s.

Then he picked the man up from the floor, a distressed whine escaped the sleeping mans mouth. Dean was sure he would’ve woken up, but he apparently exhausted himself. How long was he like this? All by himself too…

He really was no better than Michael.

Pushing the thoughts away, he laid Castiel on his bed, tucking him in with his blanket as well. He tried not to notice the red puffiness of his eyes.

He was crying for _hours._

Now it was Dean’s turn to want to crush something, to break anything in the vicinity. He calmed himself by placing a kiss to Castiel’s forehead. He really had to deal with these conflicting feelings. Balling his fist, he quietly exited.

There was no way he was getting sleep tonight, so he’d relieve Sam of his night watch. Dean decided he’d watch over the little shrimp until Sam was properly rested, since there was nothing big going on the next day other than checking their stock.

Their last run didn’t get much other than an almost dead child who’d actually been tortured for years of his life.

Dean slammed the door open and startled Sam, who was apparently about to doze off. He quickly stood, blinking his eyes repeatedly.

“Dean? W-What’s going on?” Sam could instantly tell something was wrong, from the posture and just the way Dean was holding his jaw.

Dean just shook his head and gave Sam a strained smile.

“Don’t worry about it. You go get some rest, you deserve it. I’ll watch the shrimp. But… The room is kind of a mess right now. Don’t question it.” Sam raised his eyebrow at the statement, but didn’t ask any questions.

“Alright. Well, he hasn’t done much but sit around. If you want to talk just let me know.” Sam stated and before he got out the door Dean had already stopped him. A sly smile played on his face, Dean couldn’t go long without telling Sam about anything.

“I swear to god if you laugh at me I’m going to kill you. This is completely serious okay?” Sam raised his hands in surrender and nodded, his face going blank as he was ready for Dean to talk to him.

“Ever since Cas got here I’ve been strange. Like, I dunno man. He just… Something sparks inside me and I just _have_ to protect him, and it’s a different kind… It’s not the same protectiveness I feel about you. After his little meltdown, we actually sat down and talked and he told me _everything._ Sammy… It was horrible. I don’t know how he could even live with himself after what he told me. That shrimp in there has seen more than we have and he’s 10 years younger. Lets just say things happened okay? Something happened between us and I did what I always do, I pushed him away and I’m scared I fucked everything up. I don’t want to be like _him_. I just don’t know what to do Sam. I can’t put him through all the shit I go through, the shit _we_ go through. It’s unfair.”

Sam was a little shocked at how much he’d gotten Dean to divulge. It had obviously been on his mind for awhile and he was going to explode if he didn’t talk to someone. Wait. Did he say stuff happened between him and Castiel?

“Dean he’s been all over you, and that’s not a bad thing. He obviously cares as much about you. You just gotta get past all your shit and deal with your emotions. Dude, I’m sure Castiel is going to be there along the way anyway, because he has nowhere else to go. The dude obviously trusts you the most, considering you are his first go to. Pull your head out of your ass and deal with it.”

Sam abruptly got up and walked out the door, leaving Dean to stew in the words he’d left behind. _How the hell was he supposed to deal with this?_ If anything, Dean Winchester would just leave and never talk to said person again, but he couldn’t do that with Cas.

Shaking away his thoughts, he walks into the room that Samandriel is in. The boy eyes him with the emotion cut from his eyes. Surely there has to be a switch _somewhere_ to turn his emotions back on.

He has a slight staredown with the kid.

“Are you going to let me go?” Dean was shocked at the abruptness of the question. He hadn’t said one word the kid and he was already reading minds.

“Ah. Uh. Yeah, yeah. You are going to go back to your little ‘angel’ camp and you are going to tell Michael this, Castiel is min-“ Clearing his throat he throws those thoughts to the back of his mind. “You tell him to fuck off and Cas belongs to our camp now. I’m not letting him go back.”

The child just gives him a few nods as Dean wonders how he’s even going to get back to Topeka without weapons or anything. Dean nods for the kid to stand up, follow him.

“Don’t even think of trying anything, you got me?”

“Yes, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> : I’m sorry I couldn’t help it. Sorry it took so long for this chapter! I just wanted to write it well! I hate myself too, but plot doodz. Plot.
> 
> I have big plans for the next two chapters, and I'm actually thinking about a sequel and shit.


	8. The Morning After

Morning came sooner than Castiel would have liked. He just wanted to lay in bed, when did he get in bed? Sitting up abruptly he winced because of the throbbing headache from crying a good part of the night, his eyes raked the room.

First of all, he was in his bed, how did he get there? He was sure he passed out on the floor. His sheets were new and clean, not stained with the memory of last night,

Second, the room was clean. There was no broken glass or signs of the destruction he created last night. Was it Dean? Did Dean come back to see him? No. He wouldn’t let himself think of Dean anymore. He needed to get over this pathetic crush of his.

Dean obviously didn’t want him.

Pushing thoughts of the green eyed man to the back of his mind, he let out a shaky breath, heading to take a shower. He was up way later than most and he missed breakfast and it was barely past one o’clock in the afternoon now.

He wondered why no one came to wake him up. Showering, he tried to wash away the puffiness of his eyes, though he knew there was no way that’d work. His eyes were red and he still had a pounding headache.

Stepping out of the shower, he dressed for the day, freezing in his tracks when he heard the door open. He still hadn’t gone through how to act around Dean. What should he say? Should he say anything? What if Dean wants him to leave?

Panic settled in Castiel’s gut as he zoned out, trying to pinpoint all the possibilities. He was brought back to reality when he heard a greeting. His eyes focused and he laid eyes on Sam. Thank God. He let out a very obvious sigh of relief when he realized it was Sam.

Raising an eyebrow, Sam just gave Castiel a small smile. “How you feelin? Dean said not to bother you this morning so I was a little worried.”

At the mention of Dean’s name, Castiel flitted his gaze away, biting his lips. His body went frigid and he had to hold back more tears. He wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, or even see him. He’d probably become a sobbing mess if he was face to face with Dean.

“Hey…” He felt a warm hand on his shoulder as he looked up to Sam’s concerned face.

“I just… I can’t.” Sam seemed to realize and he shushed Castiel as he choked on his words.

“I’m just gunna say this, Dean is a dumbass okay? Whatever happened between you last night is because Dean won’t let himself have feelings. He doesn’t think he has the right. He just… He just needs time. I can say he obviously cares a great deal about you. He fucked up his last relationship, you know Lisa, and I think he’s scared to fuck up another one.”

“What happened with Lisa? He never told me.” Castiel couldn’t help but ask, he needed to understand Dean.

Sam grimaced slightly as he spoke, “She knew Dean before the… outbreak, and they were really close even though she had Ben. They were unbelievably close and we all wondered when they were going to finally get together.

Well after the outbreak Dean went crazy trying to protect them and ended up getting them into even more trouble, almost causing Lisa to lose her life. It forced Ben to take up arms and kill people. It traumatized Ben in the process and we barely saved Lisa. I honestly don’t know how she made it. After that she and Dean became distant, getting into arguments more often than not. They ended their relationship on a bad note and Dean won’t let himself get into it again. Give him time okay?”

Castiel was honestly surprised. Dean probably blames himself for it all, when it wasn’t. He wouldn’t let himself get close again. Castiel let out a bitter chuckle, causing Sam’s eyebrows to raise.

“You think I can change that?” Sam just gave a quick nod, his face expressionless.

“I really doubt I can do that Sam. You have too much faith in me, I’m just a pathetic person that Dean dotes on.” Sam was about to disagree when Castiel walked right past him and out the door. It was now 1:30 and lunch was going to be served soon.

Should he even go to lunch? What if he sees Dean? Swiftly walking through camp, he avoids eye contact and barely avoids Charlie bounding up to him. No doubt she was going to ask why Dean was in a foul mood.

He just gives her a short nod and keeps on his way. He might as well distract himself by visiting Samandriel. Maybe they could actually have a nice chat? See how Gabriel is doing, the only ‘brother’ he really cares about.

Reaching the safe box, it was eerily quiet, and there were no guards outside. What the hell? A fearsome panic stuck in Castiel’s gut as he slowly opened the door, preparing for any possible attack. Who knew what Samandriel was capable of, since he was already incredibly strong before Castiel left.

He was shocked to see the room empty, and he wasn’t forcibly removed. It almost seemed like he was led out.

Castiel was about to run out and blindly search for the man in question, but he saw him approaching with Sam already. Why were they headed here? Castiel stayed inside, hiding from them since he was too cowardly to show himself now.

He’d just wait till they were gone. Yeah, that was a good plan.

 

Dean walked in full stride towards the safe box, Sam following easily behind since his legs were longer than his anyway.

“Go away Sam.” He heard a gruff from behind him and stopped a few feet from the safe box, turning around to confront his brother.

“I don’t want to talk about him.” Castiel dully noted from the tone of his voice that Sam was trying to talk about him. His face turned expressionless as he slid down the wall, listening to their conversation stewing more emotions in him.

“Dean! Just listen for once god dammit!” Sam was obviously irritated as well, most likely from Dean’s reluctance to talk about anything.

“Sam no.” Dean raises his voice a little louder than he meant, causing Sam to take a noisy step back.

“You need to talk to him. Please. You didn’t see the state he was in this morning.” Castiel’s let out a silent sigh, he had to give Sam props for trying. But Dean didn’t see Castiel that way. It was plain and simple.

“I know okay? Happy? I know what state he was in last night, and you know what? I fucking caused that. Me. I hurt _another_ person Sam. He didn’t come to breakfast, or lunch. Fuck.” Dean slammed his fist on the safe box wall, causing Castiel to jump slightly.

“Dean…”

“No Sam. I’m not talking about this.” Sam let out a defeated sigh and decided to move onto other matters.

“Okay if you won’t talk about this problem, then tell me why the fuck you let Samandriel go?”

_What?_ Castiel instantly stood up. Slamming the safe box door open, he was met with two startled men. One who just stared at him with disbelief, the other, those green eyes swimming with emotions, met blue for a moment then moved to the ground.

“You did _what?_ ” It takes Dean a moment to realize he’s being talked to. Clearing his throat, he kept his gaze away from those taunting blue eyes.

“You obviously heard me. How long have you been there?” Dean asked, avoiding the subject. Castiel was furious. He stomped right up to Dean, invading the personal space he so obviously wanted to keep. He noticed Dean’s breath hitch when he got close, but he was too pissed off to think anything of it.

“So. You’re telling me that you _willingly_ sent Samandriel _back to Michael?_ ” Dean’s eyes were blown wide as he gave a slight nod. Sam was seemingly in the same position. He was startled into silence.

“Why the _fuck_ would you send him back? Dean. You _know_ what Michael did to me, and I was his fucking favorite. What do you think he’s going to do to that child when he comes back, having failed his mission? It’s not going to be pretty and I doubt we’ll ever see him again.”

Dean takes a breath and takes a few steps away from Castiel’s fuming bubble.

“I did what I had to. It’s none of your business okay?” Castiel fumes even more, his fists balled up.

“None of my _what?_ ” The pure malice in his voice makes Dean contemplate his decisions.

“None of my fucking business? Dean Winchester you say you don’t want anymore blood on your hands but you probably just got the blood of child all over yourself.” Dean flinches at his harsh words, even Sam is slowly retreating.

“I’m the leader! You have no fucking right deciding whether my actions were right or wrong. I make the decisions, not you.”

Castiel lets out a bitter laugh and watches as Dean keeps moving away from him.

“You can’t even look at me right now… Fuck.” Biting his lip, he holds back the tears that are threatening to form. He can’t deal with this right now. There is so much emotional turmoil and physical stress going on inside his body that he just wants to shut down.

“Well then maybe I’d be better off going back to Michael as well, since you can’t even seem to look at me.” Castiel’s voice is small and the bitter emanating from it makes Dean snap back at the statement.

“No fucking way. I’m _never_ letting you go back to that douche bag.” Castiel lets out another laugh.

“When did I become your property Dean? You are the one who pushed me away last night, I _could_ be yours Dean. I am _willing_ to be yours. But you won’t let it happen because you can’t get over your damn problems. Well I won’t be here forever.” He was now having issues keeping his tears in now, he kept choking on sobs that wanted to escape.

He watched those beautiful green eyes go wide in realization that the man across from him was crying now.

“A-At least Michael would love me…” He can’t help it. He’s stressed and unbelievably exhausted after these past few days. The tears just won’t stop. He keeps choking on his own sobs as he collapses to the ground, from the corner of his eye he swears Dean was about to run over to him.

Dean’s fists were now balled up as he felt his emotions swell around inside of him. It’s his fault Castiel is like this. The man he’s come to care so much about. Why the fuck can’t he do anything? All he’d have to do is wrap his arms around the man, and calm him down.

But every time he approaches that box inside, he sees Lisa’s face of disdain when he comes near and the pure fear in Ben’s eyes. The way the boy just trembles around Dean, as if he’s living in the memory if Dean so much as looks at him.

Flexing his fist, he’s clenching them so hard they are going numb. He’s just sitting there, watching Castiel cry.

Turning away from the sobbing mess, he manages to speak, “I’m sorry Cas…” His voice is filled with regret and… fear? Castiel didn’t realize until now, how afraid of feelings Dean truly was. Apparently Lisa and Ben haunted his every memory.

Castiel punched the ground so hard he cut the outer skin on his knuckles, causing it to bleed. He winced slightly at the pain, but nothing was more painful than watching Dean Winchester stew in his emotions and walk away from him.

He really needed to occupy his mind with something, so once he composed himself enough, he went straight to the medical cabin. He was greeted with Lisa and Andrea. Charlie was nowhere in sight, and he could feel the worry emanating off the two women.

He looked like shit and there was nothing they could do to change it.

Though he did feel a tad bit angry when Lisa just narrowed her eyes at him, like she knew about his troubles, when it’s her fucking fault that Dean can’t admit his own damn feelings to himself.

Suddenly he got the urge to start throwing things again, but he delved into his work, trying to sate that anger.

Andrea leaned over his shoulder, studying the notes he was making.

“Slow down there angel.” Weird nickname. Castiel looked up and slowed his trembling hand.

“I-I’m writing down all the herb names you guys haven’t found that are plentiful around here and what they do, harmful or helpful, all that stuff. I’ll draw the pictures of them and write some herb formulas that you can use them for. I need to make up for the time I’ve been here and haven’t done anything.”

He turned towards Lisa and Ben, who were organizing a first aid kit.

“Lisa and Ben, if you guys want to help me organize each into a file that would be great, it’ll make the process faster and Ben can even write the names on the manila files. It’s always good to have an organized work station, especially when we work in the field we do. I’ll tell you which files to put in the emergency section.”

The ‘angel’ was already starting to feel better. He’s sure he’d get over this in a few days. Though the edge of his mind is still stuck on Samandriel.

He honestly had no idea what Michael was going to do and why exactly Dean sent him back.

Oh well.

\---

As Dean walked away, he was stewing in his head. The main thought that ran through his head was the fact that he kept hurting Castiel. Why couldn’t he just be fucking honest? Was it really that hard? He would lead such an easier life if he was actually honest with himself.

Kicking the ground he went straight to Charlie.

She would understand, he could be honest with her for some reason.

Knocking lightly, he opened the door, seeing the bright red hair sprawled out on the floor. For a moment Dean panicked that she was hurt, but then saw her roll around with a groan.

“Charlie?” The red blob sat up quickly, searching for the distressed voice. When her eyes met with Dean they immediately softened as she patted the ground next to her. She had her blankets strewn out everywhere.

“Where is everyone?” Charlie shrugged as she plopped backwards again onto the floor.

“Dunne. Probably working in first aid, Cas has everyone’s attention it seems.” Dean winced slightly as his name and Charlie just nodded.

“Shit going’ down between you two?” Dean just let out a sigh, which confirmed her suspicions.

“Charlie I don’t know what to do. I can’t deny these feelings for him, but I just can’t act on them. I can’t put him through the Dean Winchester trial of emotions. I’m fucked up. I’ve fucked so many people up, even him. I’ve hurt him so god damn much that I don’t know what to do other than keep pushing him away. He probably hates me, but I just can’t seem to let him go either.”

Charlie’s mouth was in a ‘grumpy cat frown’ as she would put it. It’s when she was seriously displeased with Dean.

“Dumbass.” She pulled Dean down so he was lying next to her. See could see the stress emanating from him. She faced him as she gently traced her hand across his forehead, trying to rid the creases there.

“Dean you can’t keep beating yourself up for Lisa and Ben. Yes, it was fucked and sucked big balls, but you can’t let it lead your life. You have to open yourself up more, and I really doubt Cas is going to get over you soon. You’re a hunk dude. You shouldn’t think too much about that shit. Just go with your feelings. It’s better in the long run, because even if it doesn’t work, then you can say you tried and you got the memories of it. Now can we be done with this sappy shit and do something fun?”

A smile now replaced the frown that was on Dean’s face. He honestly felt like crying. Thank the fucking nerd God’s for Charlie. Seriously. No one could help him like she did. Sitting up, he helped her up.

Now he had to sort through the emotional baggage inside of him and reach the point where he can tell Castiel about his true feelings.

He needed to talk to Lisa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I got this one up faster than the last! The next chapter will possibly be the last chapter, but I might split it into two since I have so much to get through! Thanks for sticking with me and I hope you read till the end! Also I’m sorry if this one turned out a bit choppy!


	9. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter yo!

Drawing in a shaky breath, Dean headed out to find Lisa. He needed to get this shit over and done with, otherwise he’d never be happy and dammit, he deserved to be as happy as he could be in this shitty world.

For once, Dean wants to help himself, wants to allow himself happiness. All these years he’d been focusing on everyone else, on keeping Sammy safe, on keeping the camp safe. He honestly never thought he’d let himself love again.

Castiel changed that the moment he stepped foot into his camp.

Castiel raided Dean’s mind and left an impression that would never disappear and he’s in the process of fucking everything up with that man.

As he reached the women’s cabin, he tried to calm his shaking hand to no avail. Giving in, he tapped lightly on the door, hoping no one would answer, so he could talk himself out of this.

To his dismay, the door opened slowly and revealed the dark haired woman he messed up. He watched as her eyes widened, flicking over his face. She seemed to realize this was serious and just nodded, inviting him in.

Entering the cabin, he was glad it was empty, he assumed people were flocking around the blue-eyed man who was teaching everyone new things. He couldn’t help but wonder why Lisa wasn’t there, but his eyes landed on the still body on the bed.

Dean felt his heart race as he walked closer, he was only sleeping right? He knew he’d been sick lately but he didn’t know how badly. Lisa seemed to notice the slight change in tension and she motioned for Dean to follow her to the back porch, to not disturb the boy.

Once they exited once again, not a word was said as they sat at the table. The tension was thick and guilt hung in the air. He was sure he was making Lisa uncomfortable, but she was being patient, letting Dean take his time.

After a very long, awkward silence, Dean opened his mouth and actually formed words.

“Is he okay?” His voice was small and you could tell he was terrified, worry was adamant in his face as his usually lovely features were crinkled.

Lisa watched him carefully as she glanced over to Ben. A small smile appeared on her face as she nodded.

“Yes. He’s fine thanks to Castiel. Without him… I don’t want to think about what would’ve happened. But he’s not what you’re here for is he?” Dean’s body relaxed slightly, some of the tension weaved out of his body and he realized Ben was okay and Lisa wasn’t going to be hostile.

“Ah yeah… Um.” Dean scratched the back of his head as his green eyes avoided her brown eyes once again.

“I just… Okay, I’m not good at this stuff, but I’ve been fucking so much up lately that I really need to start fixing it. I just wanted to fix things between us. I want us to talk this shit out so we can be friends again.” A sad smile fixed itself on her face.

“Dean, you are so stupid. I’ve forgiven you from the start. This is a shit world we live in and all I can do is thank God that Ben is still alive. None of this is your fault, and you need to start forgiving yourself if you want to fix anything. The whole reason our relationship has been weird is because you are too hard on yourself for what happened with Ben. I feel like shit that I let you degrade yourself so much over the years, but I’m glad you are finally accepting things and trying to change. You deserve to be happy.”

Dean blinked a few times. He was honestly expecting Lisa to bitch him out for almost killing Ben. She was… understanding? Dean couldn’t wrap his head around her sudden forgiveness. Their relationship had been shit since then, so he was sure she hated him.

Before Dean could open his mouth again, Lisa extended her hand out to him.

“Dean Winchester you are a wonderful man, and I know you’ll always be like a father to Ben and I personally know you will always have a special place in my heart. Now it’s your turn to go get what you want.” Her eyes were sincere and Dean just bit his lip, gripping her hand, trying not to cry.

He really needed to fix things with Castiel.

\---

One Week Later

\---

A week had passed since the whole shit show with Castiel and since he made up with Lisa. He told himself each waking day that he was going to talk to the man, but he always deterred himself somehow.

He truly believed he didn’t deserve Castiel, even though Lisa, and others, told him otherwise.

Dean was in a state of self-loathing as he rolled out of bed each morning, completing his routines all the while thinking of Castiel. It wasn’t healthy and Sam kept bringing it up. He wasn’t sleeping right nor was he eating right.

No leader should act like this.

Dean agreed 100% but he just couldn’t bring himself to work harder. Part of him wanted to get so sick he’d be stuck in the first aid cabin for a few weeks, just to be near Castiel. Though he was certain that it’d be one of the girls tending him, since Castiel seemed to be avoiding him.

For the entire week, Dean had rarely even seen the man. The few times he had seen him, it was only glimpses of that messy hair, of those somber blue eyes. It drove Dean crazy because he knew that he was to blame for this.

He knew deep inside that he should seek the man out, talk things over with him. But every time, he found some lame ass excuse not to find him. The excuses ranged from not feeling well to just being pissy.

Wait. Where the hell was Cas staying?

Dean headed over to the men’s cabin, knowing that Castiel would be in the first aid cabin right now, it’s almost like he doesn’t really leave.

Opening the door with a little more force than he meant, he caught everyone’s attention, now giving him weird looks. Dean’s eyes scoured the room and there was no sign of Castiel’s belongings. Was he just staying in the first aid cabin?

“Is Castiel sleeping in here?”

The men in the cabin gave him dubious looks as one snickered, responding to the question.

“Nah man. That angel is staying in the first aid cabin probably because we couldn’t stop ogling him.”

Dean saw red for a moment. There were so many things wrong with what he said. First of all, angel? Really? Only Dean is allowed to call him that. His fists were balled against his sides as he was stuck on the fact they were ogling him.

“Ogling? What the fuck?”

The guys all shrugged and their eyes glazed over with lust.

“Yeah… Dude Castiel is so fucking hot. I mean have you seen those fucking hips? So slender… I can just imagine running my hands down his body. Fuck man. Those plump pink lips… What I’d do to have those wrapped around my dick. Fuck his tight hole hard. Can you imagine the sounds he’d ma-“

The man was cut off abruptly as Dean’s fist collided with his face. Dean was seething. How dare they think such impure thoughts about his angel. The room instantly went quiet as Dean had to slow his breathing down.

“Dean what the fu-!” Dean cut him off abruptly, his voice bubbling with rage.

“Don’t you dare talk about him that way. You so much as lay a fucking finger on him and I swear to whatever God is out there, you would wish you were a Croat. That applies to anyone.”

The room was dead silent as the men looked at him with wide eyes. He made eye contact with every single one of them and made sure they knew he was serious.

“Dude it’s not like Castiel is yours or anything so chill.” The one who had been hit once was holding his cheek and glaring up at Dean.

A prominent frown appeared on Dean’s face as he stood tall, towering over everyone.

“Do I look like I give a fuck? You touch him and I fucking swe-“

“Woah okay okay. Gotcha dude. Sorry, just calm down please?”

Dean took a deep breath and attempted to calm his snapped nerves, when he failed he just nodded to everyone and stormed out of the cabin. He needed something to calm himself down ASAP. His fists were just itching to hit something again.

He headed off toward his cabin, grabbing a few supplies he headed out to the cabin he’d made just in case the Croats invaded. It was a safe house for him and Sammy if they ever needed to bail. He hoped it wouldn’t happen, but it was there.

Dean’s mind was whirling with thoughts about Castiel and that fucking guy back at the cabin. What even was his name? Dean didn’t want to think about it because his self-loathing was kicking in again. He pretty much put a claim on Cas back there and he couldn’t take it back.

He just couldn’t deal with what the guy was saying about the man he’d come to deeply care about. Dean knew that he was also guilty for having those thoughts, and even to have done it with said man.

Taking a few more deep breaths he entered the cabin and began pacing. He needed to sort through these feelings now.

Okay. So maybe he cared about Castiel, well he cared about Sam too, and Bobby, Kevin, Lisa, Ben, and everyone in camp. He knew he cared about Sam more than anyone because hey, they were brothers. But Dean was beginning to suspect he’d put Cas in the same category, but a different feeling of love.

Of course he loved Sam, and he knew he would forever, no matter what happened. But he thinks of Cas the way he thought of Lisa. The adoration, the way Cas made his heart race and ache, the way he was stupidly protective of the guy, and how he wanted nothing more than to be with him every aching minute.

He wanted Castiel. Not for his body (though that’s a nice perk) but for his heart. It scared him to know that Castiel thought the exact same about him. He’d yelled it in his face enough times.

Relationships scare him.

Anything that has to do with emotions and feelings terrify him. Especially having to talk about it all. Just admitting in his head was hard enough. But he wasn’t backing down on this feeling.

He was truly going to try for Castiel.

\---

Castiel let out a sigh as he stripped his clothes off, stepping into the shower. He heard the women chattering behind him. He’d been showering in the women’s cabin since he couldn’t bring himself to go back to Dean and Sam’s cabin.

He sadly wasn’t able to stay in the men’s cabin either because he honestly felt unsafe. Every time he’d change or go to shower, he could feel their eyes trailing down his body. It was uncomfortable and the only one he’d permit that to was Dean, but he wasn’t admitting that either.

He’d also been sleeping in the first aid, the women’s kindness could only go so far. He was still a man after all.

Another sigh escaped his lips as he scrubbed his body clean. He wanted to see Dean so badly, but he knew if he was the first to approach it wouldn’t change anything. His heart ached as he thought about Dean.

When the he going to get his head out of his ass?

Watching him around camp, Castiel noticed his health was deteriorating along with his mood.

Finishing up his shower he dressed again and headed out towards the first aid cabin. Hearing a door slam from the direction of the men’s cabin, he felt his heart beat pick up as possible danger loomed ahead.

To his surprise it was Dean storming out the cabin, obviously furious. What could have pissed him off to this point? Castiel quickened his pace, almost breaking out into a run. To his dismay Dean was long gone, so he entered the cabin to ask questions.

As soon as he entered the room tension filled the air. He scanned the room and noticed a few guys were shaking and one had a gnarly bruise on his face. It was the same guy who would occasionally cat call him when he entered the cabin.

“What happened?” His voice was quiet as he felt the guy glaring daggers at him.

“Dean freaked the fuck out because I complimented you.” Castiel felt his heart ache for a moment as he bit his lip. It had to be more than that if Dean actually hit someone. He probably said lewd things about him, Castiel wasn’t dense enough to not feel the lustful stares from the guy.

“But you’re Dean’s property I guess so you need to get the fuck out before he kills me.” Castiel stood in shock for a moment but nodded and left the room. Dean was protecting him. Now why couldn’t the guy just admit his feelings?

\---

A few days later

\---

The loud gong of the warning bell had woken Dean up with a start. What the hell? It couldn’t be Croats, they haven’t been this far out for a few months. No wait. This wasn’t for Croats.

There were humans headed this way.

Rolling out of bed quickly, Dean heard Sam rumbling around as well. They quickly got their clothes on and grabbed their weapons as they dashed out of the cabin, glad to see everyone else doing the same.

 

Dean caught a glimpse of Castiel rushing out of the first aid cabin, his face fear-stricken. Dean wanted nothing more than to run over and assure Castiel nothing was going to happen to him. Not while he was alive anyway

Castiel awoke with a start just like everyone else that morning but he couldn’t shake the fear that had stuffed itself in his gut. It couldn’t be Michael could it? He definitely wouldn’t come for someone as lowly as Castiel.

Everyone gathered in front of the gates with their weapons drawn as Rufus was in the watch tower, ready to snipe anyone who dared threaten them. Dean’s eyes were glued on Castiel, who was absolutely terrified.

“Hey Cas? Come ‘ere.” Dean was proud of how his voice didn’t waver, though he bit his lip hard when Castiel looked over at him. His big blue eyes shocked and scared.

This was the first time Dean had spoken to him voluntarily since the big fight. He hadn’t gotten the balls to talk to him about his feelings yet.

Dean noticed that Cas was hesitating, though his resolve seemed to crumble as his gaze met Dean’s.

Dean couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit of electricity surge through him as they made eye contact. His heart beat rapidly against his chest as Cas made his way over.

“Dean I think it’s Michael. I think he’s come for me. I-I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to cause you guys any trouble but he scares me and I’m just so scared I don’t know if I’d be able to fight if it came to it. I’m sorry I’m such a useless perso-“

Dean cut Castiel off as he pulled him in for a tight hug. He felt the man stiffen in his arms but he soon melted into Dean’s embrace. Dean buried his face in Castiel’s neck, speaking to him.

“If it is him, I won’t let him lay a finger on you. I promise. I don’t think I could let you go even if you wanted.” Castiel snuggled into Dean’s arms, the familiar scent of whiskey and aftershave that seemed to loom around Dean all the time.

Oh how he missed this.

“We need to talk after this.” Dean mumbled into his neck as he pulled away, a small smile on his face. Castiel nodded and they both turned their attention to the gates opening ahead of them. Dean stood slightly in front of Castiel, as if he was protecting him from harm.

Castiel felt his heart ache, though it was soon replaced with fear as Michael came into view.

“Dean it’s him.” His voice shook and he watched Dean’s face harden.

Dean slowly walked forward, Sam trailing behind him along with Castiel who was hesitantly following suit. Dean was now face to face with Michael and his group which consisted of the boy Samandriel, who looked absolutely terrified and holding his side as if he was wounded.

There was a short man who had golden brown hair, eyes matching, almost seeming golden. He wasn’t threatening at all. He looked more worried than anything. His gaze flitted from him to Castiel, widening with relief.

There were two more with them, the first blond just looked like he was amused. Who the fuck would be amused in this situation? Dean nicknamed him Satan. Then there was another blond who was wearing a tight V-neck.

Who the fuck wore V-necks during the apocalypse?

Dean mentally noted to ask Castiel about Michael’s ‘posse’ later.

Michael was glaring around at everyone, though when his gaze set on Castiel. The moment he opened his mouth Dean just wanted to slit his throat. He watched the very unsettling way he licked his lips and how his eyes inspected every part of Castiel’s body.

“Well well. Finally found you, oh Castiel.” His words slurred as they fueled the anger in Dean. Castiel was seemingly shrinking back, not wanting to deal with him.

“What the fuck do you want?” Dean interjected before Michael could say anything more to Castiel. Michaels gaze hardened as he met Dean’s equally hard stare. A small smirk played on his lips as he also inspected Dean.

“I’m here for Castiel. He’s been disobedient and I must bring him to his real home.” Dean gritted his teeth at the way Michael so blatantly put him down, insinuating terrible things to come.

Breathing in, Dean took a step closer to Michael, so they were almost chest to chest, with Dean towering over him.

“You are one sick bastard you know that?” Dean taunted the smaller man. Though to his dismay, Michael just laughed. He fucking _laughed_.

“You must be Dean? Little Samandriel told me about you… How dare you corrupt _my_ people! Samandriel was talking coherently. He’s a monster that I’ve created and he has no right to talk back to me the way he did. He was spouting nonsense about _leaving_ … Just like Castiel did. Dean Winchester, I will tear _your_ family apart, oh wait, you don’t have a family because you are _worthless_. You can’t really save anyone, you’re a lost cause who can’t do shit.”

Dean’s fist was balled tight as he dug his nails into his palm. He was shaking and he was just about to jump the guy when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Whipping around his shaking green eyes met with those calm blue, though they were swirling with anger.

“Let me deal with this. _Please._ ” Dean was shocked and he was about to protest when Castiel pleaded again. He took a shaky breath and stepped back, glaring daggers at Michael.

If looks could kill Michael would be long gone already.

Castiel took a few steps towards Michael, whose eyes were now filled with shock, though the shock soon disappeared into an unreadable emotion. Castiel didn’t get nearly as close as Dean, but you could tell he was upset, afraid.

Michael closed the small distance between them immediately and Dean had to hold himself back from lunging the guy. His lips were dangerously close to Castiel’s ear as he began to whisper. Dean wanted to intervene so badly, but he trusted Castiel to handle this.

Michael’s breath felt so wrong on Castiel’s ear, and the words he spoke weren’t pleasant either.

“Oh Castiel honey. When I get you home, and I _will_ bring you back, I have a special punishment waiting for you. I’m going to beat you bloody, break that pretty face of yours. Gunna make you cry and beg for mercy. I’m going to fuck that tight hole of yours until all that’s left is a gaping hole. Then I’m going to chain you in the basement so you can’t ever leave again. You’d make a perfect sex slave.”

Michael reached out and dragged his hands down the side of Castiel’s body, lingering on his hips. Dean was about to shoot the guy but everyone froze when the sound of skin hitting skin echoed through the silence.

Castiel _hit_ Michael.

Dean felt pride swell in him as Michael was frozen, his cheek slowly reddening from the force behind Castiel’s hit.

“Wha-“

“Shut up.” Everyone was stunned to silence, even Michael and his posse. He noticed the golden brown haired guy had a smile on his face.

“Michael you have no right to put any judgment on me! You have no right to tell me those horrible things when I haven’t done _anything_ wrong. I left on my own accord, I left because of _you_. You think I didn’t miss my brothers? I care about everyone in that camp except for you. Why? Because you are a horrible leader, a terrible person. Who the fuck beats and tortures children? Who the fuck forces himself on someone who obviously doesn’t want it? I have _never_ consented to anything you did to me. I couldn’t retaliate because I was _scared_. We shouldn’t be scared of our leader. The one we look to for guidance. If you truly are a soldier of God, then I ask you, would God truly want the things you’ve done to us? You nearly killed Samandriel because God told you to. If that’s true then I want _nothing_ to do with him. God would never wish something as horrible as that to his own creations.”

Michael was completely stunned, his hand was on his red cheek and he bit his lip, obviously at a loss for a response. Apparently happy with the lack of response, he turned towards his posse.

“Samandriel. You are not worthless. No matter what Michael has told you. You have deserved absolutely none of what you’ve received and I am so sorry that you had to endure all those years of torture. A child shoulder grow up having fun, being able to play with friends and just being silly. Granted the world we live in makes it difficult, but I regret letting you grow up the way you did.”

Samandriel’s eyes were wide as tears began to form in them. The boy was reduced to a quivering mess in a matter of seconds and ran at Castiel, arms wide. Castiel gladly took the boy into his arms, whispering soothing words to him and calming him down. After a while, the boy was crying no more and took Castiel’s hand and stood against Michael.

Now his attention turned towards the golden brown haired man.

“Gabriel, do I even have to say anything to you?”

A proud smile was on Gabriel’s face as he walked over and grabbed Samandriel’s hand. Now they all looked over at the guy with the V-neck on.

“Balthazaar I know you have so much shit on your plate from what Michael’s made you do, but you can make things right. I know you can.” The two exchanged a look and Balthazaar shrugged and sauntered over, grabbing Castiel’s hand.

The four of them stood against Michael, who only had Lucifer left on his side. Castiel wasn’t even going to try to persuade him. The two were really close, tight-knit, but they also had their differences. Michael looked over to Lucifer with wide eyes.

“K-Knock some sense into them please!” Lucifer made eye contact, his face just a smug smile. There was a glint in his eye, as if he were enjoying this like it were a play. There was absolutely no tension or any signs of stress in this guy.

He was _amused._

“Whatever. I’m out.” Lucifer shoved his hands into his pocket and turned the other direction, heading God knows where. Michael let out a small noise of disbelief as he realized that he was completely alone now.

Everyone was now staring at him, their eyes hard and filled with hatred.

Especially Castiel’s.

The silence was broken as Dean took a few steps forward again, now standing by Balthazaar. He didn’t really like the way they were holding hands, but he decided that was for another time. It would be crazy inappropriate right now.

Now he felt Castiel’s gaze turn on him, instantly softening from Michael to him. A mental victory celebrated in his head.

“So what’re we going to do?” Castiel bit his lip and turned towards Michael.

“Just let him go.”

“What?!” Dean came across harsher than he thought. He really wanted to beat the shit out of him.

“We should teach him a lesson, so he doesn’t come back for you. You’re not his anymore. You’re mine.” Fuck did he really just say that?

He watched Castiel’s eyes go wide at the declaration and a soft blush appeared on his face. Castiel was about to speak when Michael cut them both off with a scoff.

“Tch. You’re no better than me. We both want him in ways that we shouldn’t, and you call _me_ horrible.” Michael laughed at him, causing Dean to instantly recoil away from Castiel, who began to reach out for him.

He’s right. He’s so fucking right it hurts. Dean was no different from Michael. He wanted the exact same things with Castiel, just not on such an extreme level. Biting his lip he cast his gaze to the ground.

To his surprise, he felt a hand on his chin, lifting it up to meet those clear blue eyes, swirling with emotion.

“Cas he’s right.” Dean managed to croak out, only loud enough for Castiel to hear though. A sad smile played on his lips as he cupped Dean’s cheek.

“Dean. You are _nothing_ like him. I swear to whatever God is out there. I actually care about you. I’ve fallen in _love_ with you. I’d honestly want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. Everything we did was completely consensual on my part. I wouldn’t have let you touch me if I thought you resembled Michael.”

Dean was at a loss for words. He just wanted to kiss him, he was better at that then talking about his feelings. A smile played on Dean’s face and he pulled Castiel in for a tight embrace, earning a gasp from the crowd.

“Finally got your balls back eh Dean?” Sam whooped for his brother. He couldn’t have been happier for him at this moment. Maybe he’d actually allow himself happiness in life. Sam knew Castiel could give him the happiness he needed.

He turned his attention back to the group near them. The man with golden brown hair, Gabriel, he thinks, is staring back at him. His almost golden eyes were piercing as they met his burning hazel. The two exchanged smiles as they turned their attention to the main event.

Dean was about to lean in and kiss Cas, cuz fuck it, he deserved at least this, when suddenly he saw Michael collapse.

To his dismay, Castiel quickly ran over, his face laced with concern as his hands checked various spots on Michael’s body. Dean couldn’t help but feel overprotective as he watched _his_ Castiel touch that fiend.

“Just let him be, who cares what happens to the fucker.” Dean was shocked when he was met with an angry stare, he watched as Castiel propped him up, calling Andrea and Lisa to help him get to the first aid cabin.

What the fuck was Cas doing?

Dean couldn’t comprehend how he could be so caring and considerate to someone who pretty much raped him. He kept his mouth shut as he followed the group. From the corner of his eye he noticed Sam and Gabriel levitating toward each other, starting casual conversation.

About a half hour later, Castiel emerged from the first aid cabin, as he wasn’t letting anyone in other than the women who worked with him. Dean raised his eyebrows in questioning. When he didn’t get a response from Castiel he silently panicked inside.

Did he fuck everything up already? He knew it would be too good to be true. Though his face was stoic his insides were twisting painfully on him. He didn’t even get a chance to tell him about _his_ feelings.

Dean was brought back to reality when a hand was placed on his shoulder. His vision focused shakily on the blue eyed man in front of him. His eyes must’ve widened in response because Castiel was tilting his head in question.

“Dean are you okay?” Those simple words broke him inside. He couldn’t find words to say as he just cast his gaze to the ground again. He’d been doing that a lot today hasn’t he? Once again he felt a cool hand on his chin bringing him up.

“Dean. What’s wro-” Dean hastily cut him off by pressing his lips gently against Castiel’s. The man receiving completely froze for a few moments and Dean was afraid that he fucked up again, but was pleasantly surprised when Castiel returned the kiss with gusto.

The two parted and Dean immediately longed for more, but he just pressed his forehead against the other.

“How is douchebag in there?” A smile spread across Castiel’s face as he pecked Dean lightly.

“He’s really sick, I don’t know how the others didn’t notice. But then again, we didn’t notice till he collapsed. He’s showing symptoms for the Croatoan virus right now, so would you help me take him to the safe house? I reduced his fever and will continually give him treatments while he’s in the safe house.”

Dean was a little shocked that Michael was _that_ sick, that Cas considered the Croat virus a possibility. He just nodded as he walked in the building with Castiel. Michael was sleeping, so at least they didn’t have to deal with him while he was awake. Dean wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold back if he said some stupid comment to him or Castiel again.

The two lugged Michael to the safe house and asked Sam, who now had a Gabriel attached to his hip, just to keep watch over him for the next few hours.

Dean and Castiel were in dire need of a serious talk.

After parting with Sam and Gabriel, the pair headed towards their cabin in silence. Once they reached their destination, Dean held the door open for Castiel, though he refused to look up from the ground.

Dean could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest as he felt cool fingers on his chin, lifting his gaze up, meeting with ocean blue eyes. He was so beautiful, though the look in his eyes was pained. Before even thinking, Dean blurted out, “I’m sorry.”

Castiel tilted his head slightly, doing his squinty eye thing that Dean’s come to like so much.  Dean only said two words and it feels like he just bared his soul to the man. “Dean, you don’t think you deserve me do you?”

Castiel’s words hit Dean’s heart with impact. He was right. Dean didn’t think he deserved any of this. Michael called him worthless, and he wasn’t far from the truth. Dean’s gaze drifted to the ground again, and his self-loathing skyrocketed.

“Yeah. I really don’t deserve you Cas. You are _perfect_. Why would a worthless man like me deserve someone as perfect as you?” Dammit his voice cracked and he could feel Castiel’s stare boring into him. God dammit.

Raising his gaze a little, he finally noticed how close they were. They were standing mere inches apart, one small step would bring their bodies flush together, a slight tilt of the head would bring their lips together. Dean couldn’t help licking his lips as he tried to avoid Castiel’s gaze.

“Dean.” Castiel’s voice was broken, causing Dean to snap his head up meeting his gaze. Those blue eyes he’d fallen for were swirling with sadness. He couldn’t find any words so they just stared at each other, waiting for the next move.

Castiel let out a sigh and opened his mouth a few times, only to close them. He was fighting for words to say. Words that would help Dean, reassure him that he _isn’t_ worthless and that Castiel loves him so much it hurts his heart.

“I love you Dean. I don’t… I don’t know how to make you believe me, but I love you with all of my heart, ever since you allowed me into your camp, I felt my heart aching at the sight of you. You are so strong for everyone, never giving yourself a chance to be weak. I’ve was mesmerized by your eyes the moment we met, I adore your bravery and how protective you are of everyone, even Ben and Lisa, when you obviously had a strained relationship with them. You are so courageous and all you care about is saving everyone else, you don’t care what happens to you in the crossfire because you don’t think you’d be missed. Well for one, I don’t think I could live without you. You’ve done so much for me, in terms of my baggage and Michael. That day we had that big fight, I decided that if you couldn’t love me the way I love you, then that was okay. All I wanted as to be by your side. I want to help you. I want to love you. I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with you, Dean Winchester.”

Castiel reached his hand out, barely brushing their hands together. Dean feels the light contact and reached for more. His hand grabs Castiel’s, despite his hand shaking. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, soon meeting Castiel’s gaze with fear coursing through his veins.

“I… God damn Cas. I have so much fucking baggage that I don’t want to force you to sort through. I’m _scared_ Cas. After what happened with Lisa I…” He choked for a moment, trying to hold back a sob. “I just fuck thing up constantly, I just… You mean the world to me so I don’t want to fuck you up.”

“Dean I’m already fucked up.” Castiel replies with a bitter smile, though he squeezed Dean’s hand along with it.

Dean finally takes a moment the look at Castiel. He’d been avoiding it for a while now, since he got urges he was afraid to act on, but now he just took in the man’s appearance.

Castiel was still really pale, even from working outside gathering things. He was unbelievably skinny, which wasn’t uncommon these days but Dean wanted to put more meat on that body.  His eyes were swirling with so many emotions as he waited for Dean to decide. He had a slight stubble from not shaving that morning. His lips were chapped, but plump and inviting, luring Dean in.

“Fuck it.” Dean muttered and closed the distance between himself and Castiel. He wasn’t going to deny himself the simple pleasures anymore. The moment his lips met Castiel’s, everything felt right in the world.

Castiel froze for a moment, but soon melted into the kiss, which turned into many small kisses. Dean mumbled Castiel’s name in between their kisses. Dean let himself go as his arms wrapped around the smaller man’s waist, trying to bring him even closer.

The body contact felt grand and he couldn’t imagine how it would feel flesh on flesh. Dean shivered as he licked Castiel’s bottom lip, asking for entrance. When he was immediately granted entrance, he smiled into the kiss, his tongue exploring Castiel’s mouth, lazily playing with his tongue.

They pulled away, but their foreheads were touching and both were breathing a bit heavier than they should after a kiss. Dean sighed and pecked his lips once more, “I love you to Cas, though I don’t show it and I’m bad with feelings. I love you more than anything. You are my angel. You are my light in this darkened world.”

Castiel felt his heart ache as Dean spoke so lovingly to him. He buried his face in Dean’s neck, trying to will back the tears that were threatening to spill. He was brought back to reality when Dean’s hands begin wandering.

His hands slowly rubbed his back, calming him, though sometimes his hand would travel a little farther and touch his ass. Castiel smiled into Dean’s neck as he tilted his head and kissed Dean’s neck, nibbling lightly on the skin, earning a shiver from Dean.

Castiel allowed his hands to creep up Dean’s shirt, running his hands over his defined muscles. Dean let out a shaky breath as he pulled Castiel’s head back up, his eyes slowly darkening from lust. He quickly slipped Castiel’s shirt over his head, then his own.

Pressing their bodies together, Dean lead a trail of kisses down Castiel’s neck, sucking bruises into his skin, marking him as his own. He couldn’t get over how amazing it felt to be touching Castiel like this.

His own personal angel.

Castiel was getting a bit antsy as Dean was just nuzzling his neck now. His pants were tight and it was getting very uncomfortable as of now. He could also feel Dean’s own erection rubbing against his thigh.

“Dean.” His voice was gravelly and lust filled, causing Dean to bite his neck, earning a yelp from the other man. Dean grinned into his neck as he slowly pushed Castiel backwards, until he fell backwards on the bed, surprise filling his beautiful face.

He didn’t fight as Dean scooted him so he was comfortably positioned on the bed before his lips captured the others again, while they both fumbled to set themselves free. The moment Dean felt Castiel’s cool hands on his side, he let out a short moan.

Castiel quickly grabbed his pants and yanked them off with grace, which Dean didn’t think was possible, while he fumbled with Castiel’s pants. Getting frustrated, Dean yanked them off with very little grace, though he felt accomplished when he noticed the tent, not that he didn’t have one himself.

Dean reached over and pulled his boxers off with care, finally admiring the fully naked man. He didn’t let himself appreciate him last time, so he was taking everything in, just in case the world went to more shit tomorrow.

Hearing a whine from below him, he smirked as he trailed his hands gently down Castiel’s torso, tweaking a nipple, earning another delicious moan from him. His hands continued farther down, though avoided the spot that wanted the most attention.

After a while of teasing, Dean suddenly grabbed Castiel’s member and gave it a few strokes before leaning over and kissing the tip. Castiel choked in surprise, he barely held back coming for a moment.

“Dean,” he hissed, “Give me a warning before you do something like that. I almost came and we haven’t hit the main course yet.” Dean smiled as he slowly took Castiel’s cock into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the tip. After a few hollow sucks, he pulled off with a pop, stroking his own member a few times to give himself some ground.

Dean reached over Castiel, fumbling around in a drawer to his side, finding the lube. Once he found it, he groaned at the sight of Castiel spreading his legs for Dean, face flushed with want.

“Fuck Cas, so sexy. Baby wanna be inside you already. Been dreaming so long.” Dean’s sentences were no longer full or coherent. His sex drive was fully powered as he squirted lube onto his fingers, warming them up a little before circling Castiel’s entrance gently.

“Alright baby, relax.” Castiel tensed for a moment at the contact, but relaxed as his gaze met Deans. Slowly, he pushed his finger in, earning more groans from Castiel. Once his finger was fully inside, he pushed in and out a few times before adding another finger.

Once he was two fingers in, he thrust shallowly and scissored, earning more needy moans from Castiel.

“Dean I need you _now_.” Dean groaned at how sexed out Cas sounded already, and they haven’t even gotten to the main event yet. He nodded vigorously as he placed a pillow beneath his hips, then squirted lube on his aching cock, giving a few strokes to warm it up.

Slowly, he lined himself up with Cas and slowly pushed in, groaning loudly himself. Once he bottomed out, he moaned at the tight heat wrapped around his cock. Castiel was also writhing beneath him, trying to push himself back on Dean’s cock.

Chuckling, Dean leaned over and kissed Castiel chastely. “Calm down baby. I got you.” Dean mumbled as he pulled out, slowly pushing back in. He continued his thrusts lazily as his Castiel moaned out, pushing his hips down, meeting Dean’s thrusts.

“Harder… Dean please…” Castiel moaned out and Dean wasn’t sure he could handle anymore, so he gripped Castiel’s cock as he thrusted hard into him, stroking Cas in time with his thrusts.

Castiel was the first to come as he shouted Dean’s name a few incoherent sentences, streaks of come painting both of their chests. Dean’s hips stuttered as Cas yelled his name out, causing him to release inside of Castiel.

Dean lazily thrusted, riding out his orgasm until he was good, pulling out and plopping neck to Castiel on the bed, his arms still around the man. Neither said anything as they kissed gently. They lazed around for a few, kissing here and there until the come on their bodies became uncomfortable.

“Let’s go shower.” Dean got up, helping Castiel up as well, keeping his arm around his waist as they wandered to the showers, cleaning up nicely before exited and changing their sheets as well. The two lay back on the bed, just simple cuddling.

Dean’s never felt so content, so happy with where things are right now. He has the love of his life in his arms, who isn’t going anywhere, at least he wants to think that right now, and he has his camp, safe and sound.

“What’s the future look like for us Dean?” Dean nuzzled into Castiel’s neck as he thought of his reply.

“I don’t know Cas. With the world as is, we just have to take it day by day. We can probably send Michael back if he’s okay, and we can be allies, despite how I feel about him, he knows a lot more than we do. We’d just have to monitor him. We can recruit a few people to, like Samandriel.”

“What about Gabriel and Balthazaar? I promise they won’t cause trouble. Well, big trouble. Both of them are silly, but serious when it’s needed, and I think Gabriel took a liking to Sam.” Dean let out a chuckle as he thought about Sam and the shorter man.

“As long as they don’t cause too much trouble. Besides, I don’t want you to be unhappy.”

Castiel just stared at Dean, a small smile taking over his face.

“Ah. I know this might not be a good time, but Michael had a few problems with another camp who lived not too far from him. His name was Azazel and he would always come and try to raid us, or steal a bunch of our people. So we should ask Michael about it when he’s better.”

His voice didn’t waver as he was certain that Michael would be okay. They had enough knowledge they could prevent the spread if it was inside him. He’d have to keep a close eye on him.

“We got this, I think we can handle anything as long as we’re together.” Dean’s eyes softened as they landed on the icy blue of Castiel’s eyes.

The two got up and wandered about the camp for a while, hand in hand, just checking on everyone. They visited Sam, who really did have Gabriel attached to him, talking animatedly about something, all the while with a sucker in his mouth. Sam truly looked interested and a shy smile was plastered on his face.

It kinda weirded Dean out, but he shrugged, whatever, not his problem right now. Deciding against stopping to chat, Dean and Cas continued about the camp, not worrying about anything to come in the distant future.

**_Fin_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God guys I’m so sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, but its extra long for the absence! I almost split it into two chapters, but felt like I’d be prolonging it. Also, there will be a sequel though I can promise no start date yet, it will focus mostly around Sam and Gabriel, as the new camp will pose a bigger threat for the two (: Thanks for hanging with me throughout this! I will definitely keep writing Destiel, and possibly some Sabriel, but I’m just so motivated to write so many things! But mostly one shots hahaha.


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